This Critical Conscience

Inspiration

2011-08-31T21:49:00.000-04:00

SUPAKITCH & KORALIE - VÄRLDSKULTUR MUSEET GÖTEBORG from elr°y on Vimeo.

Religulous

2011-08-05T11:18:00.002-04:00

You know what I really don't understand?

I don't understand why some Christians are so judge-y and adopt this whole holier-then-thou attitude towards the people around them. You know WHY I don't understand this? Maybe it's because I've actually read most of the bible for a religious studies class, and I seem to recall Jesus being loving and NOT judging others. In fact, I recall him preaching about love and acceptance.

That's why when I see people protesting homosexuality, all I can think about is if there is a hell, the protesters are most likely going there. NOT the people who they're protesting against.

It's also why when I see people protesting abortion clinics and throwing things at these young girls who most of the time are in extremely bad emotional states, all I can think about is how the protesters will more likely go to hell then these poor girls. Because they can't find it in their hearts to love and accept.

Why don't these people take some of the time that they've spent judging others, and put it into something useful and meaningful, such as volunteering at an animal shelter or a nursing home? Jesus preached love, not hate.

You know, I was actually told once by a guy that I was not good enough to date him because I wasn't Catholic....

Ummm.... your Pope was a Nazi, so if that's what your impression of a good Catholic is, then please, don't sign me up.

As far as just not being good enough: I don't need religion to make me a good person. For all the reasons listed above, I think I'm most likely better without it. Actually, that's not even a "most likely", because I already know I'm better then you (and you know who you are). I'm not going to sit here and make a complete list of why, but here's just a few:

1. Over 10,000 volunteer hours working with the elderly.
2. A job working with people with special needs to make their lives better. I could make more money elsewhere, but I like helping people too much, so I chose happiness over money.
3. I take my personal time to raise awareness about Alzheimer's Disease. Including leading a team for the Memory Walk, raising funds, and educating people at conferences.

And I could go on and on.

I choose to celebrate my spirituality by taking long walks on warm nights, and by spending my time helping people, and not by sitting in a pew on Sunday morning surrounded by a bunch of hypocrites with sticks up their asses (uh oh, I cursed. Now show me the place in the bible where it says its a sin).

Never ever imply that someone is not good enough to be with you ever again. Because just by implying that, and therefore judging them, they are already better then you.

(P.S. This is not meant to generalize all Christians. I know many who are actually fabulous people and are doing all they can to love and help others. This is only for those Christians who feel the need to judge and hate--- we all know some of them.)

You Don't Get It

2011-05-29T16:04:00.005-04:00

It's been forever since I've blogged. Forever. Almost a year I think. There's so much I could write about, but there's one thing that's been bothering me for a while now. I don't know what it is about this one person I know, but I have to address them. Will they ever read this? Mostly likely not. But I just have to get it off my chest.

Dear You-know-who (not Voldemort),

You think you're so great. You think that because you have nice clothes and a perfect manicure with perfect hair, that you're better then me. You think that because you never step out of bounds, never do anything that goes against anyone's grain that you're the shit.

You think that because I am different from everyone, because I'm an individual, that I'm "uncool". Are you in middle school or something? Everyone is different, and I'm proud to be that way. I'm tired of you looking at me like I'm crazy every time I come to you with a creative idea, because you think it's too different, or weird or whatever it is you think about me. Well maybe we need a little bit of "different" and "weird" in our lives.

And don't think I don't see the way you look at me: like you're disgusted. You look at me like I don't get it. Well you know what, I don't. I don't get how you can be so one-dimensional. I don't get how you can not see the big picture, the reason why we're here. I'm a global thinker, and you're self-centered and self-serving. You're here for you, and I'm here for "them". And the funny thing is that you think I don't see the big picture. Because to you, the big picture is all about money. That's what makes you so obnoxious. The big picture has nothing to do with money, it has to do with people and their lives. I almost feel sad for you, that you'll never quite understand what it's like to make a difference to someone.

So I'm weird (although I prefer 'quirky'), but you know what? I'm proud to be that way. I'm proud to not be like everyone else, and I'm especially proud to not be like you. Being quirky and different is what makes me good at what I do. You're old enough now that you should be able to realize that not everyone fits neatly into a box, that you don't have to be ashamed of people who don't. But again, that's why I feel sad for you. You will probably go through the rest of your life thinking that way, afraid of being different, afraid of what others will think of you, and you will miss out on so much.

You just don't get it. And from now on, I'm vowing to myself that I'm not going to get angry with you for that, because really, you're only punishing yourself, and also because it's not worth my time and energy. I'll continue to let my freak flag fly.

Sincerely,
Me

Music & Lyrics

2010-07-16T18:33:00.003-04:00

Just listening to my iPod this evening while doing some chores and two songs came on right in a row. Beautiful songs that I hadn't listened to in a while. And I just had to stop and repeat them a few times, because it's funny how they both sort of relate to my life right now. Well, a part of Coppertone always relates to me. There are so many ways to interpret that song that I feel like it relates to pretty much every big situation I've ever had in my life. And you can't just look at the surface of the song to interpret it, because then it's pretty lame. You have to go deeper then what it's saying on the outside.

But anyway, some songs for thought:

Wheel
John Mayer

People have the right to fly
And when it gets compromised
Their hearts say "Move along"
Their minds say "Gotcha heart"
Let's move it along
Let's move it along

And airports
See it all the time
With someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh
Cause someone's coming home
In hand a single rose

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now
And I won't be the last
No I won't be the last,
To love her

And you can't build a house of leaves
And live like it's an evergreen
It's just a season thing
It's just this thing that seasons do

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now
And you won't be the first
No you won't be the first
To love me

You can find me, if you ever want to give
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around,
I'll be around
And if you never stop when you wave goodbye
You just might find if you give it time
You will wave hello again
You just might wave hello again

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now

You can't love too much, one part of it (repeat then fade)

I believe that my life's gonna see
The love I give
Return to me
I believe that my life's gonna see
The love I give
Return to me
I believe that my life's gonna see
The love I give
Return to me

Coppertone
The Academy Is...

Do you think you're up for this?
Are you ready to get undressed
Undressed in your evening best?
Besides, every heart is like a house on fire
With escape routes in every room.
These are the trials of our youth

But this charade is never going to last
So pick the poison and pour yourself a glass
I still feel the same
No one's to blame

I will be waiting outside if you're ready to go
Your sundress reflects in the headlight glow
Besides, every heart is like a house of cards
When the walls break down on you
These are the trials of our youth

But this charade is never going to last
So pick the poison and pour yourself a glass
I still feel the same
These are the fast times
These are the fast times

But this charade is never going to last
So pick the poison and pour yourself a glass
I still feel the same

These mistakes are just a part of the ride
And if we choke on the next tongue that we tie
I still feel the same
These are the fast times
These are the fast times
These are the fast times
These are the fast times

The end of Lost... and other things

2010-05-28T16:57:00.004-04:00

I can't believe Lost is over. This season I seriously procrastinated watching the episodes, because I felt like if I watched them at the time they aired, the show would somehow go away quicker. Dumb logic, I know. So I finally finished the series the other night and I'm both happy and sad. Sad because it's over, but so happy that they actually remember being on the island together. I think my biggest fear was that they were all going to just forget each other, and after all they've been through, that would have sucked.

I cried like a baby when Jack died though. It was so sad. Definitely sadder then any of the other deaths on the show. And who else was expecting Richard to just disappear when they were on the plane leaving the island. Well, I thought he would either disappear or would suddenly become some kind of crazy skeleton in his seat. Glad that didn't happen.

Anywho... True Blood season 2 came out, and of course I went right out to buy it. I saw it when it was originally on TV, but that hasn't stopped me from sitting down and watching the episodes one after the other like a big freak. I also have gotten my mom hooked on it. She think the vampires are seriously gross, but watches because it freaks her out so much. Haha. I got the latest Sookie Stackhouse book too, and just haven't had a chance to read it yet. I've been reading Nicholas Sparks, which TOTALLY is NOT my thing normally. But my grandma gave me The Last Song, and I read it just because it was there, and then I wanted to see the movie Dear John, but Sarah told me to read the book first because it's so much better, so now I'm some kind of weirdo Nicholas Sparks fan. I even went out and bought another one of his books because I was told it was really good. I am oddly ashamed of my sudden love for his stories, but oh well. I can't help that he pulls at my heartstrings.

Today I got this weird thing from Netflix that allows me to put a disc into my Wii and play some of the movies in my queue straight from the Wii/internet/TV/whatever. It's pretty nifty, and I can also watch some TV shows. The selection isn't wonderful, but it's pretty good considering that I could watch those streaming movies all day and night, and it won't cost me any extra. Danielle's really excited, because we were just talking about the Witches of Eastwick this morning, and she turned it on and it was one of the first movies to come up. Pretty cool.

I've been falling in love with Lost in Pacific Time all over again, and I've started writing again. Two events that are not-so-related, but really make me feel good.

Oh, BTW, I am so excited about this Peg Connolly Scholarship. I get to go out to Spokanel, WA in September, and while I'm out there I'm going to spend a few extra days and head out to Seattle for the end of the week and into the weekend. I love traveling, and I have always wanted to go out to Washington, so this is the perfect excuse.

The Best Day of My Life (so far)

2010-05-21T19:35:00.003-04:00

Last night I went to an event called Arts through the Ages. It focused mostly on the elderly and intergenerational programming, and featured a panel of four young women who have different endeavors in art, writing and drama. I was particularly looking forward to hearing more about the writing program, being a writer myself, and also because I had JUST been talking with my mom and Rachael the day before about at some point doing a research study of the use of writing as a modality with individuals with dementia (and because I just did my whole case study on a huge writing project).

The Best Day of My Life (So Far) is a project created by a woman named Benita Cooper, an architect who was inspired to create this writing project after conversing with her grandmother and hearing all of her wonderful stories. In fact, she's working currently on writing a book filled with her grandmother's stories - something that I've always contemplated since my first grandma day in 2001 (*"grandma day" was created by me in 2001 after reading Tuesdays with Morrie, and becomming obsessed with the concept of spending one day a week with someone you love. I began going to grandma's after school every Tuesday. This lasted all through high school and college, although the days and times have changed through the years. Now they're on Saturdays, when I go over after work, eat dinner with her and then spend the night, and go to work from there on Sunday.) Anywho... Benita was so inspired by her conversations with her grandmother, that she decided to begin volunteering with seniors in the community. Now she has her weekly writing program at Philadelphia Senior Center every Thursday. The participants come together, and given a theme, put their memories to paper. The memories are shared through conversation, and through a blog www.thebestdayofmylifesofar.blogspot.com .

I found the entire thing extremely interesting. After working in recreation my whole life, and then completing my bachelor's in Therapeutic Recreation, I think it's amazing that someone so far removed from the health professions took the time and effort to actually begin a project like this one. I know she's looking for volunteers, so anyone interested can look her up on the blog, or on facebook (search "the best day of my life so far"). I'm hoping to be of assistance with some more clinical aspects of things, but really I'd love to help wherever I can. Hopefully I'll actually have time coming up to do so.

2010-04-11T10:13:00.003-04:00

This week I won the Bill Dayton Memorial Award, which is an award for Therapeutic Recreation majors who go "Above and Beyond" what is expected of them for the curriculum. We are expected to do 120 volunteer hours, as well as our two internships. During my life I have volunteered at Open Door Senior Center, completed 3000 volunteer hours at Saunders House, worked in the home of a woman with parkinson's disease, ran a carnival and some other events at Coatesville VA when my grandfather was there, currently work weekends on the dementia unit at Harlee Manor while working Monday - Friday at my internship, and I've presented at two professional TR conferences. So I guess that's above and beyond. It's a very prestigious award, and even has a cash prize, so I'm very very excited about it. Considering that I've never really won much of anything in my life, that makes it even better. Congrats also to Rachael who won Outstanding TR student of the Year, and Jamie, who won the John Noisette Memorial Award for leadership! I think we have some awesome graduates this year.

My internship's been going really well. I really like it at Stapeley in Germantown, and I just enjoy going there everyday. I guess I'm lucky to be having such a good experience.

I've been attending a lot of farewell parties at work places lately, and it really makes me think a lot about my last months at Saunders House. I did 3000 volunteer hours, worked as a receptionist for almost five years, and worked for the dietary and development departments also. Not to mention that I did ALL of my boss' work that she passed off as her own, because she was too busy talking on the phone to her daughters, surfing the internet, and making racist comments to people in front of their faces. After all that, I never even recieved a thank you card. But then again, I guess that's what happens when you work at a really really corrupt place. At that place they got rid of you if you actually knew what you were doing. So sad for the residents who are all still there. Oh well. A million times happier now in a place where i'm being recognized for my hard work and loyalty.

MLK Day poem, and other things...

2010-01-17T10:06:00.005-05:00

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote in this thing. Colin came to visit and stayed for about 3 weeks. We had an amazing time, and now that he's gone I miss him sooo much.

I've been working like crazy to try to make enough money to be able to pay my bills during my 40-hour/week unpaid internship. And between the monday through friday internship (starting tomorrow), and working both saturday and sunday at Harlee, I'm probably going to have a nervous breakdown by the time March roles around. Well, all I have to do is keep telling myself that I really really love TR.

This morning we made a group poem at Harlee for MLK day tomorrow. Here it is:
We have a dream...
of peace and happiness and goodwill toward everyone.
Nobody would have to be poor.
There would be no war.
Illness wouldn't exist, and no one would be sick.
There would be no more violence and no more hate.

Cute, right?

So Happy MLK day, everyone.

originally from www.auroracrew.blogspot.com

Life Update

2009-12-19T21:56:00.004-05:00

So many things have been happening lately, and I haven't written a blog in so long.

First of all, Colin is here!!!! Yay! He arrived on Thursday night, and I got to spend the rest of Thursday and some of Friday morning with him before he ran off to Reading for a family party. And he would have come home tonight if now for this snow (now he's coming back tomorrow).

So speaking of the snow... it's insane. Today I waited outside in this blizzardy weather for one hour waiting for the 107, and it never came. So my mom decided to get up early and give me a ride to work. Then once I got there (20 minutes late), I called my boss who told me to leave at 2:00 or whenever I felt comfortable (I was supposed to leave at 5). I hung in there until 2:10. It was crazy. I have to be there tomorrow from 10-5, but it's supposed to keep snowing until 11AM tomorrow, so we'll see how things turn out. I'm definitely going to make it in... I'm just not sure what time it will be.

In other news, school's out for winter break. It was my last semester of class... ever! So now I'm free except for this pesky 600 hour internship coming up in mid-January. I'm kinda excited about it. I mean, at least it's not class. And I enjoy working, so it's not THAT big a deal.

Christmas is in six days. Well like five now in two hours. I still have to do like half of my Christmas shopping. I just haven't had any time, and I NEVER leave it off this late normally. But Colin never told me what he wanted (still hasn't, so any outside ideas would be much appreciated), and I just haven't gotten to the store to get my mom's gifts, although I know exactly what I'm getting her.

In February, on the fifth, there is going to be a special concert to celebrate the 5th anniversary of The Academy Is' debut Almost Here. Super exciting, except for the fact that it's in Chicago :( I wsh I could go to that. It would be so much fun. I wonder if they're going to play all of the songs from Almost Here. Tom should make an appearance. That would be pretty funny. I can't believe it's only been five years. It seems like ages and ages ago when I first started listening to them.

Another 5 year reunion is coming up: my high school reunion. Yikes! The prospect of a reunion makes me feel really old. I haven't decided for sure if I'm going yet. We'll have to see. I have a lot of stuff that night, including an invitation to the MLMs album release party. I'm not sure which is more important to me at this point in time, since there are approximately 10 or 11 people who I graduated with who I actually want to see again. Not that I'm NOT open to seeing the other again, but really, if I didn't, it wouldn't be a huge deal.

Oh, btw...

2009-10-29T22:46:00.002-04:00

I quit Saunders House. Finally. Thankfully. I'm so happy that I'll be done with that place in less then two weeks. I have never seen a facility decline as drastically as this one. I used to be so proud to work there. I loved going to Saunders House. Now I wouldn't send my worst enemy there. They've laid off or fired every single person that actually cares, and they are driving out the rest of the caring people. And now they're paying ridiculous amounts of money to an incompetent HR company with no healthcare experience. These HR people have no idea. They don't understand quality healthcare. They only care about money money money.

It's become horrible.

In the last few weeks so many handfuls of family members have come up to me saying that they are looking for other facilities for their loved ones. Good for them. I would do the same.

2009-10-29T22:31:00.002-04:00

If I hear one more person comment on my relationship I think I'm going to scream.

You know what? Long distance relationships aren't bad things. Mine is actually great, thank you very much. But it's not easy. So if I have to endure one more comment about how talking on the phone is not the equivalent of a date, and that I can't possibly know someone as well because we don't live in the same state, I'm probably going to flip out. I'm going to post a copy of something that I posted on a LDR forum the other day that I feel expresses my relationship completely:

"I was just sitting here thinking about why a lot of us LDR couples tend to fall so quickly for each other, and I think it's because we realize that if this person wasn't extremely special to us, the distance would not be worth it. A lot of times, for couples who met in person first and then were separated shortly after (like me and Colin), we kinda have to sit down very early in the relationship and say, "was this a fling, or are we going to be exclusive now?" whereas most couples who are in CDRs are going to see each other often and don't have to worry about that deadline or time when one person is leaving.

I think just finding someone who you are willing to have a LDR with is pretty powerful, because it can be such a hard experience, and most of the time you have to be very serious about the person to endure that kind of longing and hurting. And in that way, like Mizpah said, you can view the distance as a friend, because it really makes you realize who is worth it, and who is not. And if you find someone who is worth it, it's amazing."

So there, glass-half-empty people in my life. If you don't like my relationship or if you feel the need to make ridiculous comments about it, then you obviously don't understand anything. And you're a jerk.

FINALLY!

2009-09-20T11:16:00.003-04:00

http://thewilliambeckettblog.com/post/192565399/saturday-night-music-club-42-something-corporate#disqus_thread

Finally he came out and admitted it. I'm so happy for William and his little family. This is amazing news.

Also, loving the choice of SNMC. It's about time he chose something I know. Something Corporate has my heart always, even though I love Jack's Mannequin to death.

I can't wait for the new TAI EP on Tuesday!

OBX

2009-09-18T20:53:00.003-04:00

So a belated account of my time in North Carolina:

Thursday: woke up at 5AM to get ready and make myself look pretty before heading to the airport at 7:00. My flight took off at 9:30 (I had to go so early because my mom was dropping me off on her way to work), and I landed in Raleigh at 11:00 AM. Colin picked me up at the airport and we drove straight to the Outer Banks. It was about three and a half hours down there, and as we drove, the sky darkened more and more until it completely opened up. The winds were raging, which was not the most comforting as we were driving over the really long bridges to get to the island.

When we finally got to Kitty Hawk, we checked into our motel, got settled a bit and then went out to Food Lion and picked up some basics (water, bread, lunch meat, fruit, snacks, etc), and then we drove to the beach just to look at how crazy the water would be in the storm. It was insane. The waves were so high and rough, and I felt like I was going to blow away just standing there. We went back to the hotel to get cleaned up, we were pretty messed up by the rain, and then later we went to dinner at a little place down the road called Jolly Rogers. Later, we went through a Brew Threw which is like Swiss Farms, except with beer. Like, you seriously sit in your car and they bring you alcohol!? I had been through one before but it was when I was a kid, so I really didn't have a recollection of it. It was still kinda raining, so we ended up going back to our room and hanging out there.

Friday: Woke up to clear skies and about 79 degrees. Went to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast, then headed to the Bodie lighthouse, then to the Corolla national beaches, which were gorgeous and pretty secluded. Since we weren't really planning on going to the beach at that time, we weren't in our swimming gear, but we just walked up and down the beach a bit and climbed some sand dunes. It was so beautiful. A little later we went back to our room, ate some sandwhiches for lunch, and then headed out to the beach again, this time the less secluded beach near us. The water was still pretty choppy, and the undertow was dangerous, so we didn't go in too far, just up to our knees. We sat on the beach for a few hours and then when the sun started going down we headed back to the room to get cleaned up. We got dinner at Tale of a Whale, this nice resteraunt on the inlet. The resteraunt is positioned right over the water, so it's pretty frickin cool.

Saturday: We had to check out of the motel by 11:00 AM, so we got up pretty early to get ready to leave. On our way to the bridge we stopped at the Wright Brother's Museum and stayed there for a few hours just looking at the museum, walking around the park and up to the monument, and we were even dorky enough to sit and watch a little movie about the Wright Brothers. haha. Then we headed home, and on our way stopped at a Pigley Wiggly, just because they're like this big southern legend and i've never even been in one before. It was sooooo exciting, except it was freezing in there!!! We got to Raleigh at around 3:30ish (I think), and dropped our stuff off at Colin's aunt and uncle's house. Then he drove me around town to show me all the cool areas of Raleigh, which is a really neat little city. Later, we went out to get Mexican food, which was de-lish! And even later we met up with Colin's cousin and her boyfriend for mini golf. Later that night we headed back to his aunt and uncle's house, had a little time in the hot tub, and then headed to sleep.

Sunday: My plane was leaving at 3:45, so we had some time in the morning. We went to a little flea market in Raleigh and just walked around and looked at all the junk that people were trying to sell. Then we drove to a lake before going back home so that I could pick up my stuff. After that we went to the airport, which was like the hardest thing of my life. I was crying like a little baby, and I felt so silly, but I miss him soooo much.

All Day...

2009-07-16T22:58:00.002-04:00

I've had these two songs in my head. And then I decided to listen to them on my iPod, and I couldn't stop and ended up listening to Geronimo and Dropped by Phantom Planet all day. I don't know if it's the incredibly raw sexiness of Geronimo or the funky beat of Dropped, but I'm stuck with these songs in my head 'til the end of time, I'm afraid.

lyrics:

Dropped
I can swear I can feel the beating of a cold cold heart
Or there's a chill, 'cause it's showing through your clothing
And as far as I can tell
There's nothing underneath your v-neck tee
I'm begging, I'm begging, I'm begging you please
Now

Tell me that you want me
Tell me that you need me
Tell me 'cause I'd like to know

Won't you stop teasing me
Won't you take It easy
Tell me 'cause I'd like to know
You're never gonna go

Drop
Whatcha
Got
Now
Drop
Whatcha
Got
Now

Everybody knows the way the eye goes
Moving like a curtain closes over the finale
From your head down to your toe
Up and down checking you out now
Beyond a doubt

Make a copy in the office for the dest with the windows
In the ivory dome
You've made it your home
See you in the sills
Smiling ear to ear
Never gonna go

Do you want me
Tell me that you need me
Tell me 'cause I'd like to know

Won't you stop teasing me
Won't you take it easy
Tell me 'cause I'd like to know
You're never gonna go

Drop
Whatcha
Got
Now
Drop
Whatcha
Got
Now

Drop
Whatcha
Got
Now

Tell me that you what me
Tell me that you need me
Tell me 'cause I'd like to know

Won't you stop teasing me
Won't you take it easy
Tell me 'cause I'd like to know
You're never gonna go

Drop
Whatcha
Got
Now
Drop
Whatcha
Got
Now

Drop
Whatcha
Got
Now

Tell me that you want me
Tell me that you need me
Tell me 'cause I'd like to know
Now

Geronimo
Just one touch
That's enough
And it's like pushing comes to shove
I think you like this way too much
I think you're way fucked up
Four hands fight
Two hands tied
One wrong never felt so right
You don't want to make me blush
You want me unconscious

I scream bloody murder
Why don't you call me something dirtier?
Never thought this harmless crush
Could be so dangerous

Trading looks
Back and forth
You just make me want it more
I know soon we'll be trading blows
Getting on all fours and tearing of clothes

I can't belive this is happening...
You knock the wind right out of me
You don't want to make me blush
You want me unconscious

Just take me down
Come on, put me to the ground
Yeah, I want it now
Get on top of me
I can't stop thinking of
Pummeling you
For another full minute or two
When i get, when I get next to you

GERONIMO!

I can't stop thinking of
Pummeling you
For another full minute or two
When I get, when i get next to you
Come on, I want you to
Take me down
Come on, put me to the ground
Yeah, I want it now
Jump on top of me

GERONIMO!

Birthday

2009-07-16T22:37:00.003-04:00

So my twenty-third birthday has come and gone. It was an excellent one. Harry Potter came out, as it seems, just for my birthday (haha), but really I've always had good luck with that. I remember on my 14th birthday the 4th HP book came out and Harry and I turned 14 at the same time. However, I didn't end up seeing Harry at midnight like I had originally planned. Instead I headed into the city and met up with Rachel and Rob. We had a drink at Rob's, and then ventured out into South Philly, where we went to dinner at a place called the Tap Room, which had an excellent beer selection (I had a phenomenal Pear Cider), and a delicious menu. We then headed to Lucky 13, and later to a little bar called Grumpy's Tavern, where we enlightened the wonderful crowd of fellow drinkers by singing a delightful rendition of "My Girl" on Karaoke.

It was a fantastic night (sans the 8 or so times I vomited - I lost count after a while), with fantastic friends (who were sweethearts and held my hair). Honestly, it was one of my favorite birthdays to date.

And then yesterday was Harry Potter with Danielle, Kayt, Momma Jess, and G-Unit (aka Grandma). And let me just say that it was well worth the wait, and definitely my favorite Harry Potter movie so far. It was funny, and scary, and just fantastic. Even though they didn't add my favorite scene (when Griffindor wins the Quidditch match and Harry runs up to Ginny and kisses her in front of the whole common room for the first time <3 <3 so cute) , and even though they added some random Christmas scene that was a little awkward, the movie was phenomenal and made me so happy. I can't wait to see it again.

To Whom It May Concern????

2009-07-06T12:43:00.002-04:00

Straight from the PATD website:

To Whom It May Concern…
July 6th, 2009

Ryan Ross and Jon Walker will be leaving Panic at the Disco to embark on a musical excursion of their own. Though the four of us have made music together in the past, we’ve creatively evolved in different directions which has compromised what each of us want to personally achieve. Over the years, we have remained close and honest with each other, which helped us to realize that our goals were different and that parting ways is truly what is best for each of us. We are all excited for the future, you should be too.

-Ryan & Jon

Stay posted to the Panic site for updates on Ryan and Jon’s new project, as well as a message from Brendon and Spencer who will continue on as Panic At The Disco. All touring and album plans for Panic will continue as previously announced.

Well you know what? It concerns me and just about every other fan of Panic. I mean, who the hell is going to write the music if Ryan's not there? Panic at the Disco is pretty much defined by Ryan Ross, which sucks wayyyy too much. Arg. WTF Jon? I'm going to miss your flip floppity ways. Well, until you start a new band with Ryan.

This is heartbreaking news.

New version of D&O in first person

2009-07-05T17:20:00.002-04:00

... well at least like 1/200th of it.

My eyes grew wide as the glass spun off of the counter, and it flipped through the air in slow motion. I shuddered as it crashed against the linoleum floor and some of the smaller shards embedded into my bare feet and ankles. And then everything was still for just a moment as I stood there, anticipating what was about to happen.

I could feel his gaze as he loomed in the entrance to the kitchen, watching me kneel over to pick up the glass with my bare hands. I was moving as quickly as I could and still trying not to cut myself. The last thing I wanted was a fight, and although I knew that it was practically unavoidable, I knew that the quicker I was to pick up the shards, the less likely he was to start something. After all, Nick had been known to get angry over less trivial things than this, and as he took his first step toward me my heart quickened, knowing what was about to happen.

His paces were quick, and before I could even process was what going to happen next, he was standing over me blocking out the light from the overhead, making his face a shadowy blur.

“Well?” he asked quietly, and my stomach flipped. It was always worse when his interrogations began calmly.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. I guess I just bumped it with my elbow.”

“What happened is that you’re a dumb ass! Get up dumb ass!” He yanked me by the wrist so that now I was standing squarely in front of him.

“I’m sorry, Nick. I really didn’t mean to do it,” I pleaded.

“No,” his voice sounded calm and I let out an involuntary sigh of relief in response to it, “you never mean to do it, do you?” His hand stung as he smacked me across my face, and before I could put my arms up to defend myself, his had already shoved me to the ground. He grabbed a chunk of my hair and pushed my face against the glass-covered surface. The glass embedded into the skin of my cheek, but I had luckily closed my eyes before the shards could get in them. A single tear escaped, burning a path from my eye to my ear, before dripping onto the floor. “Clean up your mess, bitch,” he let go of my hair, stood up, and began to walk away.

I lay still on the floor for a moment, feeling my mind beginning to shut down, the way it always did after his attacks. I could barely feel the stinging glass anymore, and I opened my eyes, waiting for him to leave the dimly lit kitchen. But before he got to the doorway, his footsteps halted and I watched his dirty old black Converse turn around and start towards me again. I braced myself as his foot connected with my back hard enough to knock the wind out of my lungs.

This time, when he turned to walk out of the room, he actually did, and I lay waiting as the seconds passed, for my lungs to fill again with air.

Care Bears in Wonderland

2009-06-14T16:52:00.002-04:00

When I was a little kid, there was one movie that I watched over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over: Care Bears in Wonderland. Danielle just turned it on after finding our taped-off-tv version that's probably from 1991. lol. it's horrible quality, but it's on YouTube.

Ice Cream

2009-06-14T15:58:00.004-04:00

I made strawberry ice cream today with my ice cream maker. It was delicious.

Recipe:
(makes 6 servings -- the size of the average ice cream maker)

1 1/2 cups whole milk
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
3/4 cup sugar
1/8 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups mashed or pureed fresh strawberries
2 drops red food coloring

1. mix all ingredients in a big bowl then place in the freezer for a few hours.
2. take out and mix the mixture in your ice cream maker.
3. Enjoy!

Personally, I decided to put my strawberries in the food processor and make a nice puree of them, because i'm not fond of big chunks of frozen strawberries. But you could also cut them up and mash them with a fork. Because I pureed the strawberries, I didn't need the food coloring, but you probably will if you mash the berries.

Strawberry Ice Cream about to go in the freezer:

Strawberry Ice Cream when it's finished:

Also, the Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream recipe from a few weeks ago:
(also makes 6 servings)

1 1/2 c. whole milk
1 1/2 c. heavy cream
3/4 c. sugar
1/4 tsp salt
3/4 tsp vanilla extract
3/4 tsp mint or peppermint extract
2-3 drops of green food coloring.
3/4 c. chocolate chips

Same instructions as above

With this one, I put the chocolate chips in the food processor before mixing them in, because i like chocolate shavings in my mint choco chip ice cream, and not whole or pieces of chips. But really, however you want to do it will work fine.

Also, if you want to make the recipes a little healthier, substitute the whole milk for 2%. It will taste basically the same, except the tiniest bit less creamy.

In other news, I changed the name of my blog to This Critical Conscience, which is a lyric from the Jack's Mannequin song "American Love". I was listening to it the other day and thought about how it would make a great screen name, but i decided to just name my blog that instead.

I found a fatal flaw in the logic of love...

2009-05-25T12:14:00.002-04:00

My favorite singer covering one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands.

Gone For Good from William Beckett Jr. on Vimeo.

Singer: William Beckett
Song originally by The Shins

Brilliant Disguise

2009-05-24T15:33:00.003-04:00

The following is a short story I wrote a few months ago. It's based on a song. If you figure out which song I'll give you a cookie. Also I know nothing about photography, but had to include it as it's in the song (hint hint), so if that part is way off, I'm sorry.

Brilliant Disguise
by Aurora J Crew

“Will I see you on Monday?” he asked, biting down on his lip. His eyes betrayed him, gleaming with hope, and they both knew at that moment that things were going to be different. Now there were feelings attached.

Vanessa Westman didn’t have the patience for trivial things like feelings. “I don’t know,” she let a sigh escape her lips, “It doesn’t really depend on me. You know that.”

“Will you call at least?”

“I’ll call and let you know if I can make it or not,” she pulled her shirt on and started buttoning from the bottom up.

“I meant if you can’t come. Can you call and talk for a while?” A little bit of whininess teetered on the edge of his voice, and Vanessa immediately became frustrated.

“I guess we’ll have to wait until Monday and see then,” she answered him curtly. She checked her hair in the mirror before heading for the bedroom door. He started to get off the bed, but she held up her hand for him to stop, “I can let myself out.”

Hurt filled his eyes, “I know. Can I have a kiss before you leave at least?”

She hesitated at first and then leaned over and gave him a sultry kiss, “You know that things between us are purely physical, right Paul?” she asked, trying to pull away from him.

“Purely physical. I know,” he repeated, still holding her tightly against him.

“Good,” she pushed away roughly, “I’ll call you when I can,” her last words rung out and she was already down the hallway and almost to the front door of the small apartment.

The cold air had a soothing effect on her mood, and Vanessa immediately lightened up. She was still annoyed with Paul for getting attached, but a small part of her liked it. She liked that there was someone who actually seemed to give a shit about her. And really it wasn’t a surprise. She knew that he had always had a little crush on her, from the moment he had ruined her film in the darkroom that she had rented at the Community Recreation Center. Vanessa laughed to herself thinking about how he had annoyed her even from the very beginning.

*****

She had been so excited to develop this film. The pictures were from her day off that she had spent in the park, and nature pictures were her favorite to take. She loved capturing the brilliance of a sunset, and the random twists and turns of bark on the willowy old trees. She had decided on this one day to forgo the loneliness and familiarity of her in-home darkroom, and chose instead the less convenient option of renting out one of the darkrooms in the CRC. To her, this was an adventure of sorts, something that she had never done. And it had all gone smoothly until the door opened and a gangly young man stood there, not blocking enough of the offensive bright white light that seeped from the connected room.

“Hurry up,” she had yelled at him, “Get in or out, and do it quickly.” The man had jumped into the room, startled at the severity in her tone, and the door slammed loudly behind him. Vanessa rolled her eyes. When she had said, ‘get in or out’ she had meant, ‘get out’. Now she would actually have to talk to this amateur idiot while she tried to save her photographs from the offense. “Didn’t you see the red light that indicates that the room is in use?” she asked as politely as she could.

“Uh yeah, sorry about that,” he shuffled his feet embarrassed, “I guess I just wasn’t paying attention.”

“Well that would be a good thing to pay attention to next time,” Annoyance now ringing through her words.

“Yeah, uh, sorry. I can leave if you want?”

“Don’t you dare open that door again,” she warned, “You’d better make yourself comfortable. I’m going to be in here for a while.”

“Well in that case,” he said, settling into a folding chair in the corner, “I’m Paul.”

“Vanessa,” she said, turning back to her work.

“Vanessa, I’m really sorry. Did I ruin your pictures?”

“Only a few.”

“Can I make it up to you?”

She didn’t answer. She didn’t know how he would make it up to her. She could never get those same pictures back. That was the thing about nature; it always was changing.

“Let me take you out to dinner.”

“I don’t even know you, and besides, I have a boyfriend.”

“Well we’ll go as friends,” he said, undeterred.

“But we’re not friends,” she pointed out, looking at him over her black framed glasses.

“Oh, but we can be,” a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“But we’re not now, so why would I go out with you?”

“Because that’s how friends are made, V. You aren’t magically born with all your friends; you have to make them somehow.”

“V?” she asked, raising her eyebrows high.

“Yep, because friends call each other nicknames.”

Vanessa threw her head back in laughter. “You are not going to give up, are you?”

“Nope, you’re stuck with me now.”

She scrunched up her nose and smiled a skeptical half-smile. “Fine. Wednesday night, seven o’clock, La Quebrada. And it’s a BYOB, so don’t forget to bring a bottle of champagne, friend.”

*****

Vanessa laughed again, struck with the memory of Paul showing up to La Quebrada with three bottles of champagne that Wednesday night, not sure which kind she would like. Something about her, ‘probably my unabashed bitchiness,’ she thought to herself, had made him quite nervous, and she was still teasing him about the cork that popped out of his shaking hands and smacked into the head of their waiter as he was coming to take their order.

An intense shiver ran down her spine as a gust of frigid Chicago air blew around her. She pulled the collar on her dark gray pea coat up and buttoned it at the uppermost button near her shoulder, and quickened her pace. It was only a few blocks to her house, but in winter, those few blocks seemed like miles.

Finally spotting her apartment building, Vanessa broke into a slow run, not stopping until she was inside the high-end stuffy lobby with its tacky fake flower arrangements and the hotel reception area look-a-like furnishings. Stopping to check her mail would subject her to talking to Mrs. Andrea (“It’s Ahn-dre-ah, with a long-A, dear”) Klinger, the older woman who lived down the hall, with the yappy puppies and a knack for gossip. Instead, she decided to walk straight to the elevators, keeping her head forward and her eyes down, trying to avoid contact. The elevator was already there and opened right away and Vanessa pressed the number 4 repeatedly, nervously, willing the door to close more quickly. Just as the heavy mirrored doors were about to meet in the middle, a wrinkled hand stuck itself in between them, forcing them open again, and Mrs. Andrea Klinger stepped into the elevator.

“Good afternoon, Vanessa,” Mrs. Klinger looked her up and down, obviously searching for something noteworthy that she could turn into gossip.

“Hi Mrs. Klinger,” Vanessa mumbled, pushing a strand of shiny black hair behind her ear.

“How’s Cole doing, dear?” The old woman asked the same loaded question that she always asked. What she was really asking was, ‘are you and Cole having any problems, and if so, what are they?’

“He’s great. Thanks for asking.” Vanessa always answered with the same thing, and a polite smile to finish it off and make it believable. Not that it wasn’t the truth, but even the slightest thing like, ‘Cole’s putting in some extra hours at the office’ or ‘Cole’s very busy with work lately’, could put the woman into a frenzy. Automatically to her old ears, these statements would translate to ‘Cole is working a lot because we’re running out of money’, ‘Cole isn’t home much because he has a mistress’, or ‘Cole spends extra time at the office to avoid being home with me’. Only the last statement was true, but truth wasn’t something that Mrs. Andrea Klinger cared much for. Who wanted truth when gossip was so much more interesting?

The bell rang indicating their arrival at the fourth floor and Vanessa stepped out quickly, her key already poised for quick door opening. “See you later, Mrs. Klinger,” she gave the woman one last glance before heading inside.

For most people, their home is where they feel most comfortable. For Vanessa Westman, home was like an alien planet. As she set down her purse on the antique table by the door, and hung up her coat on the designer coat rack, she rolled her eyes. All this stuff: from the white Italian leather sofas she was afraid to sit on, the designer kitchen counters that she wasn’t allowed to use to make “real food” in case she stained them or cut into one with a knife (as if she didn’t know how to use a knife), down to the china that they ate on every night. None of this stuff was her stuff. None of it was even stuff she liked. When Cole’s mother and her personal interior designer decorated the apartment using Cole’s father’s lofty budget, no expense had been spared. This was how the apartment of a successful lawyer was supposed to look, and Cole was a successful lawyer. Vanessa and her “silly artsy fartsy stuff” had been confined to the smallest of the three bedrooms. That one 12x12 room housed everything important to her, including her darkroom, which she had personally designed out of the closet. Her entire life was a façade.

After poking her head in the freezer to see if there was any frozen food that didn’t involve “real cooking”, and coming away empty handed, she changed course and decided on a hot shower. She grimaced as the stark white-on-white tiles seemed to scream at her as they glowed and gleamed in the earth-friendly fluorescent vanity lights. Cole’s mother didn’t care about the environment. She only cared that caring about the environment was currently stylish, and so she pretended to care, just the way that someone pretends to care when a stranger starts talking about their children’s achievements, or when a neighbor tells a story about how amazing their pet is. Cole’s mother pretended to care about pretty much everything in her life. Vanessa was convinced that she had to even pretend to herself that she really cared, just to make her life seem less miserable.

The shower head sputtered to life and after a moment of warming up, the water was steaming. As she stepped into it, Vanessa’s mind wandered again.

*****

It had only been 13 hours since they had left the little Mexican restaurant, and already Paul’s name was blinking on her phone’s screen. “Aren’t men supposed to wait a good week or so before calling?” she joked, not bothering with a typical greeting. Vanessa could already tell this wasn’t a typical friendship that she was forming.

“No V,” he sighed dramatically, “Obviously that’s only the case when we go out with women that we actually like.”

Vanessa laughed, pleased that he was starting to feel more comfortable using her brand of sarcastic humor, “Oh Paul, how you’ve hurt me so.”

He chuckled, “Not my intention at all, I assure you.”

“So why did you call if not to break my fragile little heart, yet not because you - and I quote, ‘actually like’ me?”

More laughter from his side, “It’s Thursday,” he stated as if that explained it all.

“I need more information then that. I already knew it was Thursday, but what about Thursday has you calling me?”

“I’m lonely and –”

“How sad for you,” she interrupted with a smile, knowing where this was going.

“Yeah… well, you should come over and play with me.”

Silence emanated from Vanessa’s side of the phone. What exactly did that mean? Play was such an interesting word. Used so innocently in childhood and so naughtily during adulthood that one could never know, unless it was specified, which meaning was intended.

“Uhh…” Paul had apparently noticed his blunder, “er… I mean play, play games. Will you come over and play games with me? Not play like, play that way… ugh. Games.”

Vanessa giggled this time at his awkwardness, “That all depends on what kinds of games you have.”

“All kinds. What kind of game do you want to play?”

“You’re the one who invited me over, Paul. What games do you have?”

“Video games, board games…” he stopped, trying to think of what other kinds of games there were.

“What board games do you have? Do you have Clue?”

“Yeah, but you can’t play that with two people.”

“I’m only coming over if we can play Clue,” Vanessa smirked. She was bluffing. She was so bored that she would’ve gone over his house if he said that his only game was Risk (which she despised), but there was no way in hell that she would ever let him in on that.

“Fine,” she could hear his smile on the other side of the line.

“Good. I’ll come over now. Text me your address,” she smiled as she hung up the phone without a formal goodbye.

They had spent the entire afternoon playing games, and when she received the traditional “I’m probably sleeping at the office tonight because I have so much work to do” Thursday night call from Cole, Paul invited her to stay for a glamorous dinner of pizza and beer, picnic style in the middle of the living room floor. The informality of it all was so appealing, that there was no way that she would have turned down the offer, even if she’d gotten another call from Cole stating that he would not, in fact, be staying at the office over night and would be home for dinner for a change.

Beer had turned to wine after dinner, and games had turned to lounging on the couch and having one of the most in-depth conversations of Vanessa’s life. She hadn’t remembered falling asleep, and certainly did not recall when Paul had draped a blanket over her in the middle of the night. That had been the first Thursday that she’d stayed at his place. The first of many.

*****

Rinsing the last of the conditioner out of her hair, Vanessa leaned over and turned the water off. As she stepped out of the shower she could hear the phone ringing, but not really wanting to run for it, she let it ring. After the third ring, the answering machine clicked on, “This is Vanessa and Cole,” her own voice rang out through the apartment, “We’re not available right now, but leave a message and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can.”

“Vanessa,” Cole cleared his throat after saying her name, and the habit clued her in to what he was about to say, “Um, listen, I’m working real hard on the Smith’s case. I’m going to be here late tonight. I don’t know what time I’m coming home, if I’m coming home, so go ahead and have dinner without me. Sorry, sweetheart.”

He didn’t sound sorry, and Vanessa knew that he probably really wasn’t. Being the youngest lawyer at such an established firm meant that Cole usually got all of the worst cases, but he loved his job so much that he would put all of his energy and devotion into those dull, boring cases. She pictured him huddling over his desk until the wee hours of the morning, and then passing out on the couch in his office with some boring law book on his chest, and a dozen folders scattered on the floor around him.

If he was anyone else, she probably wouldn’t have believed that he was actually working all these late nights. She would picture him instead, taking a leggy blonde to dinner, or meeting a beautiful brunette woman at a club. But Cole was Cole. He was sweet and loyal and dull, and had absolutely no sex drive. He was her exact opposite. From time to time guilt would flood through Vanessa, but then he would call and cancel their dinner plans, or stay over night at the office, or scold her for drinking coffee on the living room couch, or make a crack about her art, and the guilt would fly straight out the window.

She knew it would probably be easier just to leave him. It wasn’t like they were married or had children, or anything really tying her to him anymore, but habit and nostalgia for the old days when they actually loved each other and had a good relationship, would kick in when the thoughts of leaving began to enter her head, and then she would decide to stay.

Vanessa padded barefoot to her room and opened the top dresser drawer looking for something comfortable to wear. She decided on a pair of old sweatpants, and a long sleeved tee, and something about the way she tugged the shirt over her head made her think again of Paul.

*****

Weeks had passed and she and Paul had grown pretty much inseparable. Fridays and weekends were reserved for Cole of course, but during the week days, Vanessa was always making plans with her new best friend.

One particular Thursday night, the friends were at a nearby dive bar seeing some of the local musical talent. As the night wore on, and drinks were refilled time and time again, Vanessa’s mind became less and less clear.

“V, I think you’ve had enough. I’m flagging you,” Paul laughed, watching her trying to suck the alcohol out of a piece of ice that had been in the bottom of her drink.

“Silly,” she grabbed his shoulder, “you can’t flarg me. Only the bartender can do that.”

“Flarg?” he shook hard, and his face became brilliant red with laughter. Vanessa joined him, realizing what she had said.

“Maybe we should go,” she giggled, and the proceeded to fall off of her barstool, causing another wave of laughter.

“Sounds good,” Paul put his arm around her, supporting most of her weight as they walked out of the bar.

They stumbled out onto the street and into the warm, early autumn air. “Look at the stars,” Vanessa pulled Paul’s arm with one hand and with the other, pointed at the sky. On the clear night, they could see everything.
“They’re beautiful,” he murmured, but kept walking. Vanessa kept her head turned to the sky, “V, I need you to look where you’re going, sweetie. I can’t guide you completely.”

“But I want to look at the stars!” she whined, and pulled herself away from his body, plopping down randomly on the sidewalk and laying back so that she could continue to look up without straining her neck.

Paul stood, looking amusedly at her, and held out his hand, “C’mon Vanessa, let’s go.”

“No Paul,” she took his hand, but tugged on it, trying to pull him down, “Stop and smell the roses once in a while.”

He gave into her demands and lay down next to her on the sidewalk. She smiled and moved her head so that it rested on his chest. Paul smiled at her closeness as he wrapped one arm around her and folded the other arm behind his head.

“I could fall asleep like this,” Vanessa tilted her head up to look at his face, and smiled.

Paul smiled too, “Let’s not make you too comfortable then. We don’t want you falling asleep in the middle of the sidewalk.”

“Will you take me to your house?” she whispered, “It’s closer and I don’t want to be home by myself. It’s too lonely.”

“Of course,” Paul moved to get up but hesitated, he hated to break the intimate moment that they were sharing.

“Yay!” Vanessa, suddenly full of energy, jumped up in a rush and started running drunkenly down the street towards Paul’s place. He smiled after her for a second before joining her.

“Can I borrow some shorts and a t-shirt?” Vanessa asked as Paul flicked on the living room light.

“Yeah, come on,” he led her through the apartment to his room and she sat on the bed as he rooted through his drawers looking for something that would fit her. “Here,” he handed her a pair of basketball shorts and a Blue Oyster Cult t-shirt.

“Thanks,” she took them, and to Paul’s surprise, started taking off her clothes right in front of him. Flustered, he turned back toward the dresser and started aimlessly sorting through it again. When he turned back around, she was sprawled on her back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, “That crack in your ceiling looks like Jesus,” she giggled, “You have a holy ceiling.”

Paul raised his eyebrows and looked up at the crack across his ceiling. It was pretty much a straight line, “And you are very drunk.”

“So what if I am?” Vanessa rolled onto her side and stared at him, “You’re drunk too.”

“Not nearly as drunk as you,” he noted that she looked really comfortable on his bed, and not wanting to be rude said, “You can sleep on my bed tonight if you want. I’ll take the couch in the other room.”

“Don’t be silly,” she sat up and reached her arms out for him, pulling him toward her so quickly that he stumbled, “if I wanted to sleep alone I could’ve gone to my house. I told you I didn’t want to be lonely.”

“Uh…okay?” Paul stood in front of her, not knowing what to do. He knew that Vanessa and Cole’s relationship was messed up, that they weren’t getting along, and they weren’t seeing much of each other, but he didn’t want to be the reason it was ending.

Vanessa stood and pressed her slim body against his, slinking her arms around his torso. She was pressed so tightly to him that he could feel her heart hammering faster and faster in anticipation, and his mind changed instantly. He didn’t care about Cole and Vanessa’s relationship issues. How could he care about the feelings of a man who had everything, and yet wasted it?

The next morning, before she opened her eyes against the offensive sunlight, Vanessa smiled at the warmth that she felt wrapped in Paul’s arms. When she did open her eyes, she turned around and smiled at him, but her smile was met with a face full of confusion and anxiety. “What’s wrong?” she asked quietly.

“You’re not mad?” his expression was one of a man bracing himself against an attack.

“Why would I be mad?” Vanessa asked, confused.

“Because we had sex, and you were drunk. Aren’t you pissed at me?” He grimaced.

She sighed, “No, I had fun. Besides, it’s not like you forced me to have sex with you. I’m the one who initiated it.”

“But you were drunk,” he protested.

“That doesn’t mean that I regret it, Paul. Didn’t you have fun?”
“Well, yeah,” he nodded sheepishly, still not letting his guard down fully, “Of course I had fun.”

“Good,” she smiled and climbed out of the bed, looking around her for her clothes, “I have to go now, but we should do it again sometime.”

Paul sat up, “But what about Cole? Are you going to end it with him?”

Vanessa looked confused, “Why would I do that?” Her voice was as innocent as a child’s.

“Because he’s your boyfriend! You live together!” Paul got out of bed and pulled on a pair of shorts, “And you just slept with me, and then said that we should do it again some time.”

“Oh Paul,” she walked over to where he stood and cupped his face in her hands, “Cole has a love affair with his job. It’s not fair to me. He spends all his time there, and even when he’s home, he’s thinking about it. So what if I want to have a little fun?”

“But…”

She cut him off, “If you don’t want to sleep with me again, that’s fine. I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to do… but I just want to have fun.”

She finished putting on her clothes while he just stood there in silence. She knew that she had given him a lot to think about, and she could almost see his brain working, weighing the pros and cons. “Call me if you decide anything,” she kissed him on the cheek before letting herself out of the apartment.

By the time she walked the few blocks home, there was a voicemail waiting for her on her machine. All it said was, “I’m in.”

*****

Her stomach grumbled, and Vanessa decided to check the fridge once again for food. The emptiness of it made her cringe. Everything inside it had to be prepared and she was in no mood for that tonight. She walked to a small drawer in the kitchen counter and slid it open, searching for some take out menus. The phone rang again, but this time Vanessa was able to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Vanessa, it’s Cole. Did you get my message from before?”

“Mmhm,” she affirmed and nodded to herself.

“Well, I was talking to some of the other guys here and they feel like if we pull an all-nighter tonight and again tomorrow night, the partners will really appreciate our work.”

“So what exactly are you telling me?” Vanessa snapped.

“Well if I’m going to stay here tonight and Friday too, we’re going to have to cancel our dinner reservations for Friday night,” he said it his dull voice, and almost in a way that made her feel as if he were talking down to her.

Finally, her irritation won out, “What?” she spoke through clenched teeth, “Fridays and Saturdays are the only times I get to see you.”

“This is too important Vanessa. Why can’t you just understand that this is what’s important to me right now. This is my life! I want to make a good impression on the partners.”

“Why does it even make a difference?” Vanessa cried out, “You can’t even become a partner until you’ve worked there for seven years! You have six more to go. I’m sure that this one case isn’t going to shorten that length of time.”

“You obviously don’t understand.”

“No. You’re exactly right, Cole. I don’t understand. I don’t understand how you can sacrifice our relationship constantly for your piece of shit job.”

He laughed one little cold-hearted, sarcastic chuckle, “At least I have a real job.”

Vanessa couldn’t even string together a coherent response to that, and so she slammed the phone onto its hook and hung up on him. Tears streamed down her face and she sobbed quietly into her hand as she slouched against the counter. She glanced at the open drawer of menus and then at the white sofa and the plush, white carpeting, and as anger flared through her, she picked up the phone again.

“Uh, hey V,” Paul’s mellow voice answered her call, “Thought I wasn’t going to be talking to you until Monday or something like that.”

“Indian or Chinese?” she asked him, not offering an explanation.

“I don’t know,” he replied, “I tend to agree more with a lot of Indian philosophies, but there are some things I don’t agree with. And the Chinese are the same way I guess, but a little less agreeable, at least when it comes to politics. Indians have some cool movies though, so they get a point for that, but oh wait, the Chinese have the Great Wall. That’s like 20 points, but…”

“I wasn’t asking you whose culture you enjoy more,” Vanessa interrupted, “I was asking whose food you enjoy more.”

Paul paused for a moment, “Are you inviting me to dinner?”

“Yeah,” Vanessa grinned through her tears, “Take-out at my place.”

“What?” She could practically hear his jaw drop, “We’re never allowed to go to your place. In fact, I’ve never been to your place at all.”

“I think it’s time to change that,” she smirked, “Get your ass over here.”

“Umm, okay,” he still seemed shocked, but was about to hang up when Vanessa stopped him.

“Paul, wait!”

“What is it?” his heart quickened as he thought about how she had probably changed her mind already.

“Indian or Chinese?”

“Oh,” he let out a relieved sigh, “Chinese.”

“Good,” she smiled wide, “See you soon.”

By the time Paul showed up at her house twenty minutes later, Vanessa had changed her clothes again to something a little nicer, washed the tears off of her face, and even applied a little makeup. “I thought you were the delivery guy,” she said as she opened the door to reveal Paul, handsome as ever, leaning against the door frame.

“Disappointed?” he teased, and she stuck her tongue out at him while moving aside to let him in. “Whoa,” his breath caught as he took in his surroundings, “Sweet digs.”

Vanessa laughed, “Not really, but if by ‘sweet digs’ you really mean, ‘over-priced shit that I don’t like or need’ then yes, I guess so.” Paul rolled his eyes at her, but didn’t say anything. “I’ll show you my room,” she started to lead him down the hall.

“But what about the food? Shouldn’t we wait until after dinner?” Paul asked.

“Not my bedroom,” she opened the door to her art room and stood back to let him walk in first, “my real ‘sweet digs’.”

Vanessa could watch Paul’s jaw drop this time as he looked around at the easels and the drafting tables piled with artwork. Huge photographs and painting hung in black frame around the room, and Pauls couldn’t believe his eyes. He had only ever seen a few pieces of Vanessa’s artwork and he’d had no idea about how truly talented she really was. “This is fantastic,” he said, obviously in awe of her talent, “I can’t believe this. It’s amazing.” He turned and kissed her passionately, and for once, instead of breaking away and lecturing him about how their relationship was only existent in the bedroom and strictly platonic outside of it, Vanessa caved in and let herself relax against him and enjoy it.

The doorbell rang again, interrupting them before things could get more heated, and this time when Vanessa answered it, it really was the delivery man with four bags of Chinese food. “Holy shit!” Paul exclaimed as he grabbed two of the bags and carried them to the counter, “How much food did you get?”

“I got a little of everything. I couldn’t decide on what I wanted, and I wasn’t sure what you would want, so I figured I’d give us lots of choices,” she reached into one of the cupboards to grab two plates, and handed one to Paul. It was white china with platinum colored design etched around the lip of the plate. Paul looked at her like she was crazy.

“Are you kidding?” he raised his eyebrows, “I’m not eating off of that. It’s your fine china! What if I break it?”

Vanessa snorted, “Break it all you want, I don’t care,” and as if to emphasize her point, loosened her grip on her own plate, and let it slide to the ground. Porcelain shattered around her feet, and without blinking an eye, she turned back to the cupboard, grabbed another plate and started spooning General Tso’s Chicken onto it.

Paul stared at her wide eyed, “Okay then,” he started dishing up his own food and then headed into the dining room.

“Where are you going?” Vanessa asked him. She walked into the living room and plopped down on the impeccable white couch.

He stood, mid-stride, staring at her like she was crazy again, “Uh, V? Um… white sofa?” he muttered more to himself then to her. She looked at him expectantly, obviously not hearing what he had said, and then motioned impatiently at the couch. Paul opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again, not wanting to start anything. After a moment, his thoughts got the best of him, “V, is everything alright?”

Her forkful of shrimp and vegetables stopped halfway to her mouth and she looked at him with puppy eyes, “Of course everything’s alright. What do you mean?”

Paul knew she was lying, but didn’t want to pry if she didn’t want to tell him. Instead he shrugged and sat on the other end of the couch.

“Do you want to stay over tonight?” Vanessa asked suddenly, causing Paul to choke on a few pieces of fried rice.

“What about Cole?” he managed to choke out after about a minute of coughing.

“He’s at the office for the next two days and nights,” she smiled a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, “So you can stay over both nights if you want. Hell, you could probably move in and he wouldn’t even notice, I’m sure.”

“But tomorrow night is Friday night.”

“And he won’t be here. Work is too important to him. This case that he’s working on is way more important then silly old me.”

At last Paul knew exactly what Vanessa was angry about; why she had dropped the plate, was eating on the sofa, even the reason why she’d invited him over. “V, I don’t know how comfortable I am with this,” he admitted, “I understand that you’re upset and hurt because of what Cole’s doing, but I don’t think it’s the best idea for me to stay over here.”

“I’m not upset,” Vanessa’s body opposed her words as tears pricked behind her eyes. She couldn’t stand for him to not stay the night at this point. She would see it as another rejection, and then she would be right back to the same place that she was with Cole. Paul was supposed to counter Cole’s rejection; it was why she had invited him over in the first place, “It’s just that it’s too stuffy in here. I want to have some fun,” and with that, she laid her plate on the rug, next to the sofa and crawled across it to Paul. She knew he may be able to talk himself out of staying over, but if she physically engaged him, he would never be able to leave, “Stay and have some fun with me,” she whispered against his lips before kissing him deeply.

*****

The sun shone brightly through the sheer white curtains in the bedroom and Vanessa smiled as she breathed in deeply. She relished in the feeling of being tightly held by a man for once. Usually when she slept in the same bed as Cole, he would turn his back to her, claiming that he couldn’t sleep closely to another person. When she slept in the same bed as Paul, they would stay on their own sides of the bed, respectful of each other’s boundaries as well as the boundaries in their own relationship. This time was different though. Vanessa had let down her boundaries and finally allowed Paul to hold her through the night. And now, the morning after, wrapped in his arms, she couldn’t help but smile at a revelation she’d had sometime during the middle of the night. She, Vanessa Westman, was in love with Paul Waites.

This was new to her. Of course she’d loved men before, but never had she been in love. Never had she gotten butterflies when thinking about a man the way that she did now as she thought about Paul. Never had she felt nervous about what she was going to say to him when he woke up. And boy did she feel nervous. Thinking about it made her heart speed and her face flush. She wondered if he loved her too, and what she should do about it, how to find out, and if she should tell him. A sudden noise interrupted her thoughts, and panic shot from her heart, to her brain, then right back down to her stomach as her head cleared and she realized what exactly was going on.

“What the…” she heard a man’s voice question in the living room, and she remembered the plates of food, abandoned on the floor next to the couch, the broken plate in the kitchen, and bags of Chinese food that they’d forgotten and left on the counter all night. “Vanessa?” the man called her name, and she slipped silently from the bed and pulled her robe on.

“Hi Hon,” she tiptoed out of the bedroom, shutting the door behind her, and found herself face to face with Cole.

“What happened in here?” he asked, “What did you do? Why is there a broken plate?”
“Because I broke it,” she answered back matter-of-factly.

“And why are there all these bags of food in the kitchen? And didn’t I tell you to never eat in the living room? You know how much my parents paid for the redecorating. The least you could do is show a little respect, Vanessa.”

“Respect?” she questioned, “Why bother? I’m a person and you don’t respect me, yet I’m supposed to respect the material goods your parents bought us?”

He ignored her, spotting the extra plate, “Who was here?”

“A friend of mine. He’s still here.” There was no point in lying or even trying to mask the truth, because she knew it was only a matter of time before Cole would walk into the bedroom and see Paul anyway.

“Where is he?” Cole looked around, obviously expecting to see someone who he’d missed sleeping on the couch or the floor.

“He’s in the bedroom, asleep. I was in there with him until a minute ago.”

Cole didn’t say anything at first. He just stood quietly and stared at her, taking in her robe and messy hair. “So you’re having an affair.” It wasn’t a question, more of a solemn statement.

Vanessa sighed thinking that she might as well be truthful, “Yes, if you can call it that. If you consider what we have an actual relationship.”

Cole grimaced, “What do you mean by that? Of course we’re in a relationship.”

“Cole,” Vanessa grabbed for his hand and looked into his eyes, “We live together, but that’s about the extent of the things we do together. I can’t even remember the last time we were intimate with each other. And now you’ve taken to cancelling our dates, which are the only times I get to spend real quality time with you. I’m tired of being second to your job. I need to be your first priority, even if it’s only sometimes.”

The bedroom door opened and Paul walked out of it, donning his pants from the night before, “V – what’s…” he stopped dead as he saw Cole standing squarely in front of Vanessa. They were obviously arguing and he had a feeling that his sudden appearance wasn’t going to make anything easier. “I’m sorry,” he said to Cole, “But it’s not what it looks like.”

“He already knows,” Vanessa said to Paul, and when she looked at him, he could tell that it was somehow different, that things had changed.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said quietly to Cole, “Let me just get my stuff and get out of here.” He started to head toward the bedroom when Vanessa spoke up.

“Wait, Paul. I want to come with you.”

“Into the bedroom?” he whispered, confused and looking at her like she was crazy.

“No,” she shook her head, “I want to come with you, as in home with you. Is that okay?”

“Are you sure?” he looked back and forth between Vanessa and Cole, “V, are you sure that’s what you want?”

She nodded and then turned to Cole, “I’m going to go home with Paul. For good.”

Cole didn’t say anything. He stood silently with his hands still in his coat pockets. No emotion showed on his face at all, and Vanessa had no idea what he was feeling. For all she knew, he could be ecstatic to finally be rid of her, or horribly heartbroken over the whole ordeal. She had no idea, and she didn’t know if she would ever know, because she knew that with Cole’s inability to show feelings, he certainly wasn’t about to tell her right now. And she had no idea when, or if, she would see him again after this.

“Vanessa,” Paul grabbed her arm once they walked back into the bedroom, and it surprised her to hear her full name on his lips, “I don’t want you to make a mistake here…”

She interrupted him, “Make a mistake? Do you not want me to come with you, because if that’s the way you feel…” she didn’t finish her sentence and just let her thoughts drift.

He grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her fingers softly, “Of course I want you to come with me. It’s all I’ve wanted for a very long time, but I’m worried about you. This all seems so sudden. Yesterday afternoon you were telling me that you didn’t think you would call me anytime soon, and now you’re leaving your live in boyfriend to come home with me. What happened?”

Vanessa’s heart fluttered and she felt queasy, “I realized that I love you,” her breath caught in her chest, and the seconds that it took Paul to react seemed like hours.

“I love you too,” he leaned down, cupping her face lightly, and kissed her. It was a take-your-breath-away, loosing-track-of-time type of kiss, and he had to be the one to break it, “I don’t think it’s entirely appropriate for us to do that right now with Cole in the other room.”

Vanessa nodded her agreement and pulled out a suitcase from the closet, throwing everything that was hers that she could get her hands on, into it. There wasn’t very much stuff to grab actually. None of the furniture belonged to her except for the stuff in the studio, so basically it was all clothes and accessories. Nothing was folded, nothing was even ‘placed’. Instead it was a heaping pile of clothes thrown into a suitcase in a flurry of anxiety and hope that made up her feelings for Paul, and anger and hurt that summed up her feelings toward Cole.

“Ready?” Paul zipped her stuffed suitcase and picked it up off the bed, giving her a little smile. He was trying to hold back on the happiness. This was, after all, a victorious moment for him, and one that he had waited for for quite some time, but he felt like the situation at hand was too solemn to feel that way. Conflicted, his emotions fluttered on the edge of excitement and anxiety.

“Walk of shame,” Vanessa squeezed his hand and gave him as reassuring a smile as she could muster at her pathetic joke.
Paul took a deep breath as he opened the bedroom door and stepped into the little hallway, but Cole wasn’t there. He wasn’t in the living room, or the kitchen, or the dining room. “He’s gone,” Vanessa whispered, looking around her.

“I don’t really blame him. I wouldn’t want to stick around if the situation were reversed.”

Vanessa nodded and turned around, taking one last look at the apartment. She didn’t know what she would do with her artwork and supplies. Perhaps she would have Cole send them to her, or she would have friends pick them up, or she would stop by when he wasn’t around. But other then that she found it surprisingly easy to let go of the world that she didn’t belong in. She placed her key on the table by the door and locked it behind her, locking in the Vanessa that she wasn’t anymore, and stepping out into a world that she had yet to discover, where she would get to be herself with a man that she loved. She would be his girl on Fridays, and every day.

We are so Lost

2009-05-14T09:36:00.002-04:00

Last night was the season finale of Lost. I want to express some of my theories, but I'm not really going to recap the episode, but regardless, if you haven't watched the episode yet, you may not want to read this until later.

*****

This is my theory for the premiere next season: White nuclear explosion flash. Boom! They're all flashed forward into whatever the hell year it is in Lock's time (most likely 2007, since that is 3 years after 2004). Sayid is going to be healed by the magical power that is the island. He's not going to die, because Lost tends to make a huge deal out of when any of the main character's die (except Juliet of course). BTW, what was that weird flashback to Juliet's past when her parents were getting divorced. There was no point to that at all, as Jacob never showed up in her flashback. Also, about Jacob showing up to people... Anyone notice that he made a point of touching each of the people that he visited? And if Jacob only appears to people who are leaders on the island, does that mean that Kate, Jack, Sawyer, Hurley, and Sayid are all leaders on the island?

Richard is definitely from the Black Rock, because I feel like that's the reason why Jacob brought the ship to the island.

Still unsolved is the mystery of how the Black Rock got miles into the jungle; how the 4-toe statue got knocked over (although I'm betting that it was from the atomic blast of 1977 or whatever the hell time they are in); where the hell the Egyptians who built the statue are; why Jacob and his little frienamy both speak perfect English and look Irish, even though they look like they've been on that island their whole lives... in the middle of the pacific ocean; and how Jacob's frienamy took Locke's body and memories?

My family was all sitting there thinking the exact same thing that Miles said when he was like, "maybe the big accident is actually Jack throwing a nuclear bomb into the pit!" And then everyone looked at him, and continued to help Jack throw the bomb into the pit. It seemed a little funny.

Back to Jacob. Anyone else think that that whole thing was a little underwhelming? I was sure that Jacob was going to be Jack. All the signs were there. Jack could be a nickname for Jacob, and we never find out if Jack is short for something. All of Jack's family members seem to gather around Jacob (Claire and Christian). Jacob (aka the island) can heal people miraculously. Jack also has the power to heal people miraculously (his exwife). Plus, Matthew Fox is the only actor who knows the end of the series, so I was pretty sure that that was why. Oh well...

I'm sure that I'm not remembering everything I wanted to write when I watched it last night, so I may write about this again.

Summer Internship

2009-05-13T11:49:00.003-04:00

I got my internship placement today.

I'm going to be working at Temple Episcopal Hospital in the Mental Health Ward. I'm happy because it's the population that I wanted to work with. However, I'm sad that I'm not with Melissa at PMHCC, because it sucks that she'll have to work there alone and I really wanted to work with her. A good thing about Episcopal is that I've already done volunteer work there, so I know a little bit about the facility.

Nic Scimeca makes my life seem so dull... both of him

2009-05-12T23:14:00.003-04:00

Nic Scimeca and friends opened up a grilled cheese restaurant in the windy city. How brilliant is that? Just grilled cheese. And delicious grilled cheese from the sound of it.

Anyone else notice that no one in the picture has a grilled cheese in front of them? And even more odd: there are two Nic's in the picture. In the back of the room, his back is to the camera to the right of the guy in the red hat. Then, facing the camera a little to his own back's right and to the left of the woman with the black curly hair. And it's pretty obvious that there is no mirror in that spot.

http://www.the44thward.com/

I can't wait to go when I'm in Chicago.

In other news, I'm still waiting for the TR academic advisor to email me back. Apparently there's a Junior Internship meeting tomorrow morning at 9:00AM and everyone got an email about it besides me. Thank god Melissa texted me today, or I would've been completely left out of the entire thing.

Photography

2009-05-09T10:21:00.004-04:00

If you enjoy photography, check out http://www.cbeckettphoto.com/ for Courtney Beckett's new portfolio. She does food and drink campaigns as well as photographs of people she knows, which are pretty neat. Click on the samples below to link straight in to her page, because she's awesome.

Also, I want to say that whoever took/photoshopped this picture of Brendon Urie (Panic at the Disco) is my favorite. There's something about this shot that I just love:

Media Review

2009-05-04T16:22:00.003-04:00

In the past few weeks I've read a lot of books, seen a lot of movies, and listened to some great music, and every time I think to myself, I really should blog about that, but I just haven't had the time to actually get on here and blog anything lately, so here is review of everything that I've thought that about in the past few weeks:

BOOKS
Perfect Fifths by Megan McCafferty - This book is the last installment of the Jessica Darling series. It begins three years after the last book left off (after Jessica refused Marcus' proposal of marraige and they broke up), when Jessica and Marcus run into each other at the airport. Well, more like when Jessica runs over Marcus in the airport.

Perfect Fifths is the only book in the series to actually offer any insight into what the hell Marcus Flutie is thinking, as it's told partially from his perspective. The book also strays from the traditional journal entry style to a narrative style, with random bursts of other stylistic experiments. For instance, there is an entire chapter told in Haiku. Unfortunately, I felt like that chapter, style aside, brought nothing to the story. We already knew everything that was expressed in the poems, and I felt like McCafferty just included it in there because she thought, hey, cool. Haiku narrative. And ran with it.

The story, which took place over the course of one day, was sometimes painfully yawn-worthy. I mean, I didn't really need to know every second of the day from each of the character's perspectives. I even found myself wondering what it was about the series that I enjoyed so much in the past. Not to make it sound like it was all bad - it wasn't. I really enjoyed the ending of the story, and I liked hearing things from Marcus' side for the most part (even though it sometimes gave away a huge part of the mystique that made me love him in the first place).

If you've read the series, I would recommend finishing it, of course. But maybe it's just me, or maybe it's the fact that I graduated from high school five years ago, or maybe the fact that I've moved past my Marcus Flutie obsession, but if you haven't started this series and you're looking for a good read, I wouldn't recommend this series anymore. Sorry if I burst anyone's Flutie balloons.

See Jane Write: A Girl's Guide to Writing Chick Lit by Sarah Mlynowski and Farrin Jacobs - So sue me. I'm writing a chick lit book. Actually, I already wrote a story a while back and I'm editing it and changing it when needbe to make it more chick lit-y. Don't roll your eyes and pretend like I'm beneath you for writing chick lit, because we all know that you've read at least one chick lit before. And you know you wish you could write a book (unless your Char whose already written one! Yay Char!)

But yeah, if you're thinking about writing a chick lit or really any kind of book, this guide gives some great things to think about. And as an added bonus, Sarah Mlynowski is my favorite chick lit writer and she's hilarious, so this book is actually really entertaining and fun to read.

The J.A.P. Chronicles by Isabelle Rose - I'm reading this because it was in my sister's book shelf and I randomly picked it up the other night, and also because in the other book I'm reading (aforementioned) they say to read other chick lit books (although not strictly chick lit) to get more of a sense of what constitutes as a chick lit. Admittedly, I'm not really a huge expert on the genre. I've read my share of chick lits, but I usually only indulge sparingly. And even when I do read them, I stay away from the ones that involve excess shopping and label whoring. However, the J.A.P. Chronicles, while it has it's moments of mani-pedi's and spending thousands of dollars on clothes at Borgdorfs, actually has a pretty substancial storyline. Basically it's about a thirty-something girl named Ali who attends a reunion at her childhood camp and sees all the antagonists of her past who used to torture her for being ugly, fat, and unathletic. Now that she's an established film maker, she wants to get back at all the bitchy girls, by being an even bigger bitch and filming a memior about each of their lives since camp and their "defining moment".

Unfortunately, the author writes Ali as a punk/alternative style girl.... and she doesn't know anything about punk style, and instead relies on outdated stereotypes. That's a huge pet peeve of mine, when writers try to write their main character as something that they are not and don't know anything about. And it's sooooooo painstakingly obvious.

MOVIES

Vicky Cristina Barcelona - This movie was so much better then I thought it was going to be. It takes place in Barcelone, when two friends decide to spend the summer there before Cristina gets married, and Vicky moves on with her life. They meet a really hot Spaniard, share a steamy weekend with him, and both become attached and intrigued. What I enjoyed most about this movie was how it outlined the differences in relationships under different types of stress. How does a friendship hold up when both friends like the same guy? How does a relationship hold up when the guy's slept with your best friend? How does a relationship hold up when the guy's ex-wife comes and lives in the same house and you and your guy for a few months? How does a relationship with a fiance change once one of them has screwed around? Etc. It was weird, funny, sexy, and basically a psychologist's wet dream.

Burn After Reading - This was completely different then what I thought it was going to be. In fact, I can't even tell you what I thought this movie was going to be like when I sat down to start watching it. It's by the same guys who did The Big Lebowski, which is hilarious, but for some reason, I didn't realize that Burn After Reading was a comedy. Well, at least it was sort of a comedy. It starts off with John Malkovich's (sp???) character being fired from the CIA, and progresses into how he's going to write a memoir about his time there, resulting in two crazy personal trainers (Brad Pitt and Frances McDormand) stealing the skeleton of his novel and holding it for ransom. Some parts, usually the ones involving Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Frances McDormand, were hilarious, while others were somewhat sad and disturbing. I'm still undecided on this movie, and I'm not sure if I would watch it again.

Salem's Lot - I watched the Rob Lowe, made for TV version of Salem's Lot, that was made in the early 2000's. I read the Stephen King book years ago and really only remembered that it was about vampires invading a place called Jerusalem's Lot. Although the beginning was a little bit slow moving (as many made for TV movies tend to be), once it got moving the movie was freakin awesome. I mean, what's better then evil vampires taking over a town and gorgeous Rob Lowe coming to the rescue? James Cromwell (cute old man in Babe) and Donald Sutherland (father of Jack Bauer) co-star. But seriously, who cares about them when Rob Lowe is in the movie?

I'm going to update about music and stuff later. I don't have time to do it justice right now. But just know that it'll be about The Downtown Fiction and Razia's Shadow (by Forgive Durden).

Friday and Saturday in the Woods

2009-04-19T16:20:00.003-04:00

Adventure Challenge Programming, camping trip
Day 1:
We arrived at Camp Edge in Alloway, New Jersey at around 2:00PM on Friday. We headed to the ropes course right away and learned how to hook up our harnesses and about safety and then we basically got to play on the High Ropes course all afternoon and evening. I did pretty much all the activities that were available to do on the high ropes course. I did the Burma Bridge: (this isn’t me, but the pictures of our trip haven’t been posted yet), and then this other thing. I don’t remember what it was called, but basically, you had to climb up there and there were little wooden platforms about 2 x 2 feet and they were strung up with the wires, and you had to walk across them and then back, except there was nothing to hold on to and they were swinging all over the place. Then I climbed up the net and walked across a single wire, just holding onto a rope. And lastly I did the zip, which is basically just that I was strapped onto a rope, let go of the wooden platform, and went zipping down the wire at about 40mph: (again, not me, but so you get the drift).

Then we went to our little cabin in the woods and ate dinner. Some people still had to run activities (we had to lead a group activity), so we did that until around 10:30 at night, and then 12 of us went out to build a campfire and make s’mores. We also told a really dumb ghoststory (by going around the circle and each person making up a line) about 12 TR students who were standing around a campfire when the seaweed witch from the lake came out and dragged them all away. About 2 hours later, we put out our fire and went back to the house and Melissa, Allie, Steffen and I took the telescope out of the house and into the field, because it was beautiful and the stars were amazing, but alas… the telescope was broken, so we had to stand there with our head tilted up to see the stars. Totally worth it though.

Day 2:
We woke up at 7AM (it was horrible), had breakfast, cleaned the cabin/house, and then headed out to do the Low Ropes Course. We had to basically spend all day doing this, because coming out of the course, we’re all trained to facilitate a Low Ropes Course group, meaning that I could go work at a place with a Low Ropes Course. We learned how to do each activity, how to do different variations, and safety precautions and stuff. It was a really fun time. I participated in a lot of stuff, and of course being one of the smallest people in the class, got lifted and carried a lot. For instance, I went through one of the upper holes of the rope web (the object is to get through the holes without touching the sides, but each hole can only be used by the group once). So I was lifted and went through head first and supported by the other group on the other side. It was amazing, because I had so much trust in my group, that I knew they would never drop me, and I felt completely safe. I also tore up my arms on the tire thing (you have to get through the tire to the other side, but it was over my head and I had to get lifted into it and climb out the other side (insert tire burn on my arms here). Bruised and burned, it was still totally worth it. It was such an amazing two days. I can’t wait to see the pictures that people took of the whole experience, even though I probably look like an idiot in half of them.

Below is a picture of the wall (that I didn't go over. I was going to but I chickened out) at Camp Edge. It was our last activity of the day:

Ranty Rant

2009-04-15T16:41:00.003-04:00

I'm going to go on a little rant right now, and I'm warning you that if you don't know anything about William Beckett, the scene, or fangirls, it will probably be a waste of your time.

The past few days have just shown how fucked up so many fans in the scene are. Every time I get on Twitter, or read some of the comments on Bill's blog, there are these little girls complaining because he never writes back to them and they're pissed about it. Well you know what? He:
1. blogs for you,
2. has a Twitter account to keep YOU informed about his life so all your little stalker fantasies about him can play out in your silly little minds,
3. Started a poetry/writing club (Monday Eyes) so that YOU could post your work and he could read it an occasionally repost some of the great stuff on his blog,
4. Has meet and greets at every single show so that whoever wants to meet him can,
5. Has been known to stand outside of venues, outside of the bus until the last fan who wants to meet him leaves. Even when the weather is horrible, or it's 12 degrees or 3 in the morning, you will find him out there if a fan is out there,
6. Lets you know sometimes when he's going to be somewhere so that you, the fans, can hang out with him. For example, he's been known to post via Twitter, something along the lines of, "At Cuppa Joe coffee house, come hang out."

So don't be such vicious little bitches because he doesn't sit there at his computer for x number of hours each day, @ replying all your twitter comments and responding to your blog comments. Considering that the majority of musicians out there don't do any of the things listed above, or if they do, it's that they have a Twitter and that's it, don't fucking bitch about him. He's doing everything he can for you people while still leaving enough time for himself and his friends and family.

And shut the fuck up about this Demi Lovato thing. So what... Demi Lovato's celebrity crush is Bill (funny, since she's like 100x more famous then he is), and the lucky girl gets to write a song with him for her new CD. Don't bitch because you're jealous that she gets to write a song with him and you don't. Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of Demi Lovato's music, but the fact that she listens to TAI and other music in the scene indicates that she has pretty decent taste in music, and on a personal level I would probably really like her if I were to ever meet her. Besides, it's pretty cute that William indulged Demi's inner fangirl by going out there to write with her. Don't be so catty TAI fans.

However, if I have to hear one more Demi Lovato fan say that they would make "such a cute couple" I'll probably vomit. She's 16. He's 24 and already has a woman. They wouldn't make a cute couple at all, because it would mean that he would be a child molester, which he most certainly is not.

Top 13

2009-04-12T09:31:00.002-04:00

The top 13 things I wish people would think about before calling a receptionist (aka, me) – btw, this is about 90% of the phone calls I get:

1. If you’re calling to ask for a number, have a pen and paper ready when you call me. Don’t call me and then make me wait while you scramble around trying to find something.

2. If you’re calling at 8:00 in the morning and you’re really upset because your sister/brother/mother/father/aunt/uncle/friend/etc… doesn’t answer their phone, don’t call me asking me if they’re dead or something. They’re probably still sleeping.

3. No, I can not personally leave my desk to check on your family member.

4. If you call me and say, “Hi Aurora! How’s my mom doing?” I really appreciate that you know me and my name, but if you don’t say yours, then how do I know how your mom is? How do I know who your mom is?

5. If you call between 8 and 9:30 AM, the nurses and CNAs are actually really busy. They have to give everyone their morning meds, breakfast and get every resident up and get them ready to start their day. So if they don’t answer the phone, don’t start yelling about it. Wouldn’t you rather have your family member get their breakfast, meds and get dressed?

6. If you’re trying to find your long lost second cousin, or your neighbor from when you were a kid, and you heard that they’re in a nursing home, but all you know is that their first name is Mary, then sorry, I can’t help you. Do you know how many people are named Mary? If you don’t know a last name or anything else about the person, then I can’t look them up to see if they’re here.

7. If you call me and ask if your Aunt Edith so-and-so is here and I check my list and in our computer records and there is no sign of her, then she isn’t here and never was here. You were fed false information, so please don’t argue with me. Wishing that someone was in the facility doesn’t just make it happen.

8. Not a phone call thing, but if you show up for a tour of the facility because you want your grandmother or your father or whoever to come here, but you don’t have an appointment and no one is available, then you’re not getting a tour. This is my biggest pet peeve. I think it’s so rude when people walk in and demand that they get a tour of the facility without even calling to make sure that someone will be there to give them one first. What I hate even more is when people waltz in, and I say, “so-and-so can give you a tour, but you’ll have a wait a little while, because she’s giving a tour to another family right now (who actually made an appointment!!!)”, and then they get pissy that they have to wait.

9. No, the business office is not open at 5PM on Sunday. They keep normal business hours. Are you at work at 5PM on Sunday? No? Well then don’t complain that they aren’t.

10. If you call me, and then while you’re waiting for me to answer the phone, you start talking to someone else and don’t stop even after I answer the phone, I’m probably going to hang up on you. I usually will say “hello” twice, but if you’re too interesting in what your friend is saying to listen to me, then I’m not going to stick around. I’m busy, and most likely one of my other lines is ringing, so try calling back when you’re not distracted.

11. If you call and say, “Is my mom there?” and I ask who your mom is and you say, “Amy,” and I ask you for a last name, and you say you don’t know (this happens more then you would ever think. People apparently have no idea what their parents names are.), and then I ask you what department she works in and you say you don’t know, then I can’t help you. If you don’t know your own mom and dad’s last name and what their job is, then how am I supposed to know it?

12. If I answer the phone by saying “Good morning/afternoon/evening. This is Saunders House. How can I help you?” (which is what I always say, btw), and you say, “Dietary.” Not even, “Can you transfer me to dietary?” or “Can I speak to the Dietary department?” Then I judge you, because you’re rude and an idiot. Just sayin’. At least say please.

13. If you call and say something along the lines of, "yo, you hiring?" We're not. Even when we are. If you can't inquire about a job in a polite way (or in proper English), then we don't want you working here. We only want nice people.

Warning: This Entry Has No Point

2009-03-31T15:27:00.003-04:00

I'm procrastinating right now, just so you know. I just got done a test, and now I have to work on my 20 minute presentation for tomorrow. Hopefully it will go well. I have about half of the slides done, but I finished all the easy ones first, so now it's time to actually do all my research.

In my procrastination I checked out all my usual sites, then headed over to the FBR Secrets LJ. It's always good for a laugh. I agreed with a lot of them, and disagreed with a lot of them too. Then I fell upon #56, and now I need to scour my brain to get the extremly disturbing mental image out! I'm not going to go into it excep to say that it was an extremly graphic dream that a young man had about two members of the label, and it made him realize that he was gay, which isn't the disturbing part; it was the graphic language used by a 13 year old boy that was disturbing.

Also, Bill got a tattoo. Waiting on the picture proof still, but from what I hear it's all about Snakes and Suits. I don't know why he would get a tattoo depicting the clothing line he's involved in. Sounds silly to me. A very strange idea for his first tattoo. I was expecting something more along the lines of a GDB or a Santi or something.

If anyone wants to put on an Aurora costume and go to my class tomorrow to present on "Implementing Appropriate and Meaningful Art Groups for People with Dementia", please email me. It's the first day (eek!) and I'm following Mitesh who's bringing in the Wii to talk about Wii Therapy... a hard act to follow.

I <3 Re-blogging

2009-03-26T21:49:00.004-04:00

I always re-blog the nerdiness that is Bill doing a Rubik's in 2 minutes. My favorite part is the unsuspecting woman in the background at the end whose all "Find a place where that would be applicable in the real world." hahaha, if only she knew who exactly she was talking to. And she tried to tell him that he should go into computers, because he has a ton of "potential".

Rubik's Race For Chile (2nd attempt) from William Beckett Jr. on Vimeo.

Ok, I'm done being a fangirl now.

[edit] my mom just watched this video, fascinated by Bill's nimble fingers and the way he spins the layers around so quickly. Then she got all defensive of him when the woman came on saying stuff about applying it to the real world. I think it's because from the first time I met William, she's thought he's adorable. Ha, it was pretty funny listening to her go off about it for a minute though, "That woman needs to get a grip! What's her problem? Doesn't she know that she's speaking to WILLIAM BECKETT?!" ROFLMAO

Professional Development Day and LOST 5.10

2009-03-26T19:11:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was Therapeutic Recreation Professional Development Day at Temple. Our Professional Seminar class organized it, and I think it was a huge success. We had representatives from agencies all over the area, and from all sorts of facilities. We organized the room into sections too, so that people could check out all of one type of agency at the same time. For instance, all of the mental/behavior health agencies were together, and all of the Long Term Care agencies were together. There was also large representation from Pediatrics, Developmental Disabilities, Physical Rehab, and outpatient care (like LIFE and Time-Out Respite Care). I feel like I'm missing a group of people... IDK... NCTRC was there which is the national organization that we get certified through. Got lots of free stuff, and everyone loved the gift bags that we gave out (Elizabeth and I spent 4 hours making them on Tuesday afternoon). I also got to see a lot of friends and TR buds who are now interning, and were there with their supervisors. Rachel (like I never get to see her... haha), Devon, Evan, Tad, Lisa, etc... It was a really fun time.

Now on to LOST. I am so confused. Here are my thoughts:

1. Now that Sayid killed Ben when he was a kid, does that erase all memory/experiences with Ben that everyone had in the future? I mean, that's so significant, it would change EVERYTHING! The Dharma Initiative would still be kickin', Juliette wouldn't have been brought to the island, I was going to say the island would've never been moved, but they actually wouldn't have had to move the island anyway, because Charles Widmore wouldn't be after Ben, the Oceanic 6 wouldn't have left the island, because there's no Ben for Widmore to hate, and therefore no boat with a helicopter to take them away. I'm so confused.

2. Sayid: seriously???? What the hell is with killing the kid? I know it's Ben and we all hate him, but he was actually kinda a cute kid and I feel bad for him. I mean, it's really not his fault that he turned into such a fuck-up.

3. On the other hand, maybe Ben isn't dead.

4. Um, who else thinks that Sawyer is now a huge tool? Really, as soon as he put his hand up to vote with the rest of the group, I knew he'd completely sold out. The 6 came back to help the people who were stuck on the island, and he's so self-absorbed that he couldn't care less about what they gave up to be there and help him.

5. The funny thing is that I've never been a huge Jack fan, but now I love Jack just because he's so consistent. He's still the same exact Jack as the plane crashed.

6. How cute was Sayid when he was drugged and being all truthful and stuff? Adorable.

7. We still have no idea about where/when/etc. the rest of the people are. Bernard, Rose, random other plane people we never knew, Daniel, etc.

8. Although I do think it's fun that Michelle Dessler from 24 is now on the show (Horace's wife). I was severely depressed when she got killed off of 24, because I loved her and Tony (remember in the 1st season of 24 when we all hated Tony and thought he was the bad guy, and then he turned into the best character on the show?). Maybe the LOST island is really TV heaven, and once you die in TV land you go to the island. lol, i don't know. That's a pretty faulty theory considering that that girl's character's name isn't even Michelle. But I think I'm going to cut off my LOST thoughts there before this turns into a 24 blog.

Some Random Things

2009-03-22T08:37:00.002-04:00

First of all, this morning I took one of those lame-o IQ quizzes on Facebook and it said my IQ was 145, which is in the 96th percentile. Apparently I'm a fucking genious. The questions were all really simple though. Like, 'who was the 16th president of the US?', and 'which continent is Canada located on?' and 'what is the capitol of California'. So I know that my score is totally bogus, but it compared it to other people who went to my high school who took the test, and they all scored between 94 and 125, so it at least made me feel smarter then them.

And this is extremely random, but I was walking down Broad Street the other day and noticed a bus for the Academy Bus Company and thought to myself, 'wow, that logo really looks familiar'. Then I forgot about it until a few days later when Danielle said to me, "Today at Temple I saw an Academy bus and it had the same logo as TAI". Look at these:

I wonder who came up with TAI's logo, because I looked up the bus company and they've been around since 1968 or something. On the other hand, I don't know if they know about the bus company, since it's based in New Jersey.

The other night was fun. Rachel and I went to a Kabab (sp?) house on 5th street, right off of South, and it was delicious and affordable food. Then we hiked up to Chestnut street between 2nd and Front (in my 3-inch heeled boots I might add, which is a little difficult when dealing with the cobblestones of Old City) to Triumph Brewary. We were told (via text from Rob) to tell them that we were there for Temple Med. Unfortunately a girl we go to school with was at the desk, and she’s in our major so we obviously couldn’t lie and say that we were in med school. So we tried dodging out of her sight and up the stairs to the private party, but she followed us and pinched Rachel (yes, she actually pinched her to get her to turn around) and was all, “You guys can’t go up there, it’s a private party.” But we were just like, “whatever, we know its Temple Med and we were invited, so we’re going anyway.” But once we got there it was really fun and crowded and just kinda crazy because most of the people knew each other, and then there was our little group of friends crashing the party (we weren’t really crashing, because Rob and Jen’s roommate Franklin actually is a med student at Temple and he invited them and they invited us. Besides, Rachel is interning this semester at Temple Hospital and we are both in the Temple University College of Health Professions, so we had every right to be there, imho.)

The only really sketchy part about the night was the co-ed bathroom with the frosted glass doors. I couldn’t help but think about how many people had probably had sex in there, which was pretty skeevy.

Lost Series Theories - 5.9

2009-03-19T16:48:00.003-04:00

What is going on here?

Why is Sun in a different time then the rest of them? I think that's my main question. And will she ever be able to travel back (or get them to travel forward) in time? My theory is that Sun will be the person responsible for bringing them back to the present.

Daniel? So he's not in 1978 anymore. That doesn't surprise me since we hadn't seen him at all. However, the way that Sawyer said that he wasn't there, made it seem like he didn't die, but in fact just wasn't with them anymore. So I'm betting that Daniel definitely did not die.

I also want to know if Ben remembers Sayid and the rest of them from when he was a little kid. We know that he's met Sayid, and that he's most likely met James and Juliette and will soon be meeting Kate, Jack, and Hurley. So all along has he known what was going to happen, because he saw it as a child? Does that make any sense? I think that soon we're going to find out the other reasons (besides the fact that Jack is a doctor) that The Other's caged Sawyer, Jack and Kate back in season 3 (that was season 3, right?). Who knows, maybe in 1978 they all became really great friends with Richard, and he missed them, so when they crashed on the island he just had to have them back....

ugh! I don't know. This stupid show is killing me.

Tonight I'm taking the 6:00 train to Center City and heading to Rachel's house. From there we're going grab dinner at a new restaurant near her house (exciting!) and then we're heading to a brewery called Triumph in Old City to meet up with Rob so that I can get my letter from him. And also to hang out, but I'm on a mission tonight to get that letter. It should be a really fun time.

Tomorrow I work for Stephanie. Jody's in the Philippines with Rotary, so Stephanie needs help doing the Senior Life and Culture Series up at Lankenau Hospital. Basically it's this thing that Saunders puts together every month that's free for seniors, and they get some health information as well as some cultural information, and a free lunch. But it's pretty hard for Stephanie to do it all on her own, so that's where I come in.

Thank god it's not raining anymore. I curled my hair and then as soon as I was finished it started pouring rain. I just hope it doesn't start up again.

40 Steps

2009-03-18T09:36:00.004-04:00

Dear William,

Please stop wearing your shirts tucked into your pants. Especially if you're going to belt the already tight pants. Honey, it makes you look fat, and you are by no means overweight. It's just not a good look.

But this is one of my favorite songs of all time. I'm so glad that Michael showed up at this show to make it even better.

40 Steps live at Chain Reaction 3.15.09 from William Beckett Jr. on Vimeo.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2009-03-17T19:46:00.001-04:00

In honor of St. Patty's Day, I'm posting one of my favorite YouTube videos of all time:

Egrish and other fun things

2009-03-11T15:00:00.004-04:00

The other day, Danielle and I discovered the amazingness which is www.engrish.com. I know it's kinda mean, but basically its a site where people send in their pictures of English-gone-wrong in Asian countries.

Funny samples:

Also, today Danielle spent about 2 hours mastering Fall Out Boy Trail, which is Oregon Trail except you're on tour around the US (oxen and all). It was pretty funny and they even had their own little computerized guitar hero.

Lost Series Theories 5.8

2009-03-06T15:07:00.003-05:00

I just watched this week's episode of Lost. My mom and Danielle watched it without me while I was at work last night, which pissed me off at the time, and then they told me (well at least my mom told me) that they didn't like the episode and they thought it was dumb. So in the end I'm glad I didn't watch it with those downers.

Really I thought it was a pretty good episode. However, while it explained a lot, it left many questions unanswered and of course, raised a million new questions. It's cool that three years passed on the island too. I would've been pissed if it was like 3 island days during 3 main land years. But here are my questions:

1. It never really explained why Sawyer and the rest of them stayed on the island for longer then 2 weeks, so why did they? And how did they become such esteemed members of the Darhma Initiative?

2. Where are the other people who were left behind, like Rose and Bernard and the other random people who we don't really know? Are they just going to leave them out of the rest of the show? Or have they been wandering around the island in the 1970's for three years and still haven't been in contact with Sawyer, Juliette and company? Maybe they all died of nosebleeds. I have no idea.

3. What year did Ben come to the island with his dad? I feel like maybe they told us at some point and I'm just forgetting, but it seems like he should be there by at least 1977... maybe not. I don't know.

4. Who else hates Horris? That isn't really a theoretical question, but he really gets on my nerves. I think it's his hair. It gives him really creepy vibes. Ick.

5. How are they going to explain to the DI peeps that their "crew members" showed up on the island finally three years later wearing business suits and other random attire? I'm pretty sure that the Darhma people will be able to smell the bullshit radiating from that story, whatever it may be.

6. Where are Sayid, Ben and Sun?

7. Where (or when???) is Locke, and what is going on with all the people from that crashed plane?

and obviously the most important question is 8. WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THIS BIG LOVE SQUARE??!?!?!?!?! Obviously Sawyer isn't as over Kate as he thought he was. I think that Jack and Juliette are probably way over each other because really they were only "in love" or "dating" or whatever for like 3 days and that was 3 years ago. But Sawyer and Kate are a different story. So who is going to end up with who? I think we're in store for some drama.

Oh... and I almost forgot my last question... 9. Where is Daniel in the future? He was in the past, but not in the future, but maybe they just didn't show him???

2009-03-03T23:37:00.003-05:00

oh yeah...

I forgot to mention in my last blog that the Union won't be getting pay cuts, and they will in fact be getting their regularly scheduled raises. Of course the people in the union are pretty much the shittiest workers in the building. So while they continue to get regular pay and raises for sitting around reading magazines at the nurses stations or standing in the hallway talking to their friends for hours on end, the college educated people who actually care about the residents and have work ethics are the ones who end up getting screwed. I'm not surprised though.

Aurora's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

2009-03-03T16:39:00.005-05:00

Today was horrible (and it's not even 5 o'clock yet, so who knows, maybe it will get worse).

I'll start with the trivial horrible things.

First of all: I hate the Philadelphia Flower Show. I'm sorry, but once a year for a week, thousands of unemployed elderly people and housewives journey to the city to look at some flowers. And they take up all the goddamn room on the trains. And they make a ton of unnecessary noise. I usually look forward to my morning train ride to school as a nice 40 minute chunk of time where I can chill out, relax, read a book or listen to some music, or even take a nap. But for the next week I'll have to deal with probably not having a seat, listening to the old people yell at each other because they can't hear anything (you know I'm annoyed if I'm picking on the elderly), and a bunch of uncontrolled children. It's horrible.

Second: why do we get fined like $200 if we don't shovel our walks in a timely manner, yet St. Charles Seminary never has to shovel their walk? I was trying to get from the Overbrook Train Station to work today, and had to walk through snow that sometimes was up to my knees. I almost twisted my ankle numerous times, and then made myself look like a big crazy while I shouted, "FUCK YOU LAZY CATHOLIC BITCHES!" at the top of my lungs every time it almost twisted. Christine said that yesterday the priests were outside playing football. Well maybe they should spend a little less time playing snow football, and a little more time shoveling their two blocks worth of sidewalk. I knew there was a reason for not liking religion.

And of course the biggest reason why I'm pissed: The lovely place where I work decided today to lay off 15 people. 3 of them were from my mom's department. Dawn, Donald and Bill are all now laid off. How the fuck is a department supposed to function when they're cut in half? Also, Debbie, who is the head of dietary (not to mention one of my friends) was laid off, and they put some incompetent new guy who didn't even know how to do his ridiculously easy job before, in her place. How is this douche bag going to be able to run possibly the most difficult department in the building when he couldn't even do the job that a ninth grader could've done before? Then... to top it all off, WE'RE ALL GETTING A 10% PAY CUT! Yes, now I will be making less money then I did when I first started there four fucking years ago. The funny thing is that I was so excited last year when I got bumped up to $11/hour (which incidentally was the amount that they originally promised me when I was first hired. After I agreed to the job, they started me at $10/hour), only to get knocked down now to $9.90. Fuck that. This is a huge deal for me, because I make just enough money during the course of a year to barely qualify for financial aid for school, and of course I get probably the lowest amount of it possible while still getting aid. There were times last year that I was seriously down to $100 in my savings and checking combined. Now I'm going to probably be even worse off. And because of the economy, I've already cut back on a ton of stuff. I haven't bought new clothes in forever. I haven't bought any new books or movies lately, and I've been cutting back on the amount of money I spend on food. The worst part is that I definitely do like twice the amount of work that I did when I first started, and I do wayyy more work then the other people in my department (even my boss most of the time), and I'm still the lowest paid person in the department. Even if they would've bumped everyone else down 10% and left me where I was, I think I still would've been the lowest paid. And that's the problem with this place; they always take advantage of the people who actually have a good work ethic.

I guess I'm still lucky to have a job, but it's not like they could've gotten rid of the receptionists anyway. We're a pretty vital part of running the building.

Lost Series Theories - 5.7

2009-02-27T20:24:00.002-05:00

I finally got to watch LOST tonight, and even though a million questions were answered, there are still so many things that I'm wondering about. Is Charles Widmore good or evil? Is there even the slightest possibility anymore of Ben being good? What is this war that is breaking out and who is it between? AND when Walt said that people in his dream were trying to kill Locke on the beach, did it mean that he was getting killed in this war? I thought maybe that the new people from the plane may take sides in the war. Old plane versus new plane perhaps?

I'm so exhausted. I'm definitely going to bed right after I pick out my work clothes for the weekend.

Last night after much indecision and a little bit of confusion, Rob and I decided to head into Media to Sligo, where there was live music and the bartender was actually Irish, which was pretty awesome. When we got back to my house we watched Better Off Dead and halfway through that, at about 2:30AM, walked to Wawa to grab food (I hadn't eaten since 3:30ish in the afternoon). A fun, yet late night. Now I'm exhausted.

the life that i'm not living...

2009-02-26T19:56:00.002-05:00

One of my favorite people of all time is DJing tonight at Angels and Kings: Chicago.

Everyone else I know is working tomorrow.

I'm at work. And then heading home.

Or maybe heading to Media. It all depends on one phone call...

Possibly

2009-02-25T23:46:00.003-05:00

I have a test tomorrow and I most certainly did not do all of the studying I should've done. Oops! Well, there are 7 more where that came from, so I'll just have to make up for it then if I do poorly.

Also tomorrow I have to work. 4-8. This later shift really actually sucks. No one comes in after 6:30, so maybe I'll have time to eat some dinner if I take it (I'm thinking a Lean Cuisine Southwestern Panini).

THEN, tomorrow night I'm possibly going to take the R5 train into center city and then the R6 train to East Falls, where I may possibly be seeing a band called Pawnshop Roses with Rob and possibly some other people. I have no idea what is actually going on here, except that I was invited and I said I may go. Waiting on the details to see if it's actually going to be a possibility. I kinda hope it is. I like going out on these Thursday night outings. I have nothing going on on Friday, so why not?

Bristol Palin is My Hero

2009-02-24T09:25:00.004-05:00

Entertainment Weekly said that on Lost "a major-ish character will join the recent time-travel victim Charlotte (Rebecca Mader) six feet under by season's end".

Let's place our bets. My money's on Juliette.

Also they talked about Supernatural: "Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean (Jensen Ackles) will say goodbye to someone close to them in April".

Since their father is dead, Dean hates Ruby, and they haven't talked to that woman (I don't even remember her name anymore, but she and her daughter were major characters in season 2) in years, I'm betting on Bobby. He's the closest person to them, so it's really the only thing that makes sense. Unless all of a sudden Dean decides that he loves Ruby and then she's sent back to hell or something.

And the most important thing of course is that Bristol Palin is speaking out against her mother. During an interview with FOX News, Bristol said that she believes that abstinance only education is "not realistic at all". Thank God that she finally decided to speak up. She is so much smarter then her mother (obviously not too much smarter since she got knocked up as a teenager anyway -- next thing she has to talk about is the use of birth control).

Oh and one last thing, Mandy Moore is getting married. For some reason, I've always loved Mandy Moore. I love her shitty music and her crappy movies. I just love her. So I'm really happy for her.

Hurricane

2009-02-23T10:41:00.003-05:00

You know how you can listen to a song a thousand times and it will mean one thing, and then you wake up one day and the song means something 100% different?

Hurricane by The Hush Sound is a beautiful ballad, about, well... I don't like to tell people what songs are about. It's different for everyone. So it's about whatever you want it to be about.

The video below is not Greta from the Hush Sound. I was too lazy to upload the song, and decided just to look on youtube, and all the versions of Greta singing it were live and not good. The girl who does it here though has her exact voice and does it on the piano, which is how it is meant to be.

Send out the morning birds
To sing of the damage
Now that the calm's returned
I know I can't manage

You're standing in my doorway
Though he's asleep in my bed
The steady murmur
Always in my head

You're the finest thing that I've done
The hurricane I'll never outrun
I could wait around for the dust to still
But I don't believe that it ever will

And since the roof fell in
I'll lean on what matters
Caught in the slightest wind
Everything else unravels

You're standing in my doorway
Seven cities ago
The days are racing
But you come back too slow

You're the finest thing that I've done
The hurricane I'll never outrun
I could wait around for the dust to still
But I don't believe that it ever will

You're the finest thing that I've done
The hurricane I'll never outrun
I could wait around for the dust to still
But I don't believe that it ever will
But I don't believe that it ever will

Friday Night

2009-02-22T17:51:00.003-05:00

Friday was fun. Hung out with Rachel at her place for a while and introduced her to the wonderful world of TAI. We went to dinner at a vietnamese restaurant on 2nd and South and joked about how we looked like a lesbian couple on a date because of the candlelit tables and everything. The food was delicious though.

Met up with Rob at the Khyber, and Rachel and Rob seemed to get along well. The MLMs (it stands for Music Learning Module, which I asked Chris about later, but Rob joked that it was for Major League Music, and the band seemed to like that) were awesome as usual. We hung out after the show for a while and Ilana, Rachel's friend met up with us there.

Later, we headed across the street to the Plough and the Stars to dance, and then headed back to Rachel's to sleep.

I had to get up at 6:30 to go to work, so that definitely wasn't fun.

Last night I went to my grandma's and had Chinese (it was a very Asian weekend apparently, because they had Chinese food at work for lunch on Saturday) for dinner. My Aunt was there with Ben, and I love that little guy so much. He got a new toy. Something to do with Matchbox cars and a crocodile. Croc Expedition Game or something... i don't know... I'm not really up on the kiddie toys.

But he made up a song for me to the tune of Take Me Out to the Ball Game. It went like this:

Take me out the the Croc Game,

Take me out Ararara (that's what he thinks my name is)

Buy me some crocs and applejacks

And then take me to the zoooooo!!!!

Lol, well it was Take Me Out to the Ball Game until the last line. hahaha, I love kids so much. What a cutie pie.

I have to go write up my answer to 35 interview questions now. Fun fun...

Lost Series Theories 5.6 Plus Media week in review

2009-02-19T21:25:00.005-05:00

Let's start with Lost:

A ton happened (I mean they got back to the island), and at the same time I feel like nothing happened. I felt like I waited the entire episode for something great or big to happen and it didn't. Did the plane crash, or did they just disappear out of it? What happened to Aaron? What happened to Frank Lopides (sp?) and was it a coincidence that he was flying the plane (no, what am I thinking... nothing that happens on this show is a coincidence)? Who was the arab guy on the plane supposed to represent. I know that Hurley was doing the Charlie guitar thing, Sayid was doing the whole Kate in handcuffs, and the police officer was a mix of Kate's police guy and Anna Lucia, but who was the Arab guy and did he and the Anna Lucia girl make it on to the island?

Who thinks that Kate killed Aaron? I don't, but she was really upset about him, at least for like 30 seconds before she decided that she had to have sex with Jack right then and there. I don't know... I don't know what she did with Aaron, but I know whatever it was, she was just trying to keep him safe, so maybe she handed him off to Claire's mommy.

It kinda ticks me off that Sun is so eager to get back to the island. I know that Jin is there, but her child isn't, and she knows that she'll never be able to leave the island. So now she's just ruined their little girl's life.

I think that Locke is going to play a bigger part (no duh...), but I don't know what it is yet. Danielle or my mom, I can't remember which one, said that they think he's going to be like Jack's dad and appear randomly on the island with cryptic little messages for everyone all the time, like a big weirdo.

And my number one theory: Hurley is a dumbass. Seriously... how was he drowning in water that he could stand in? Lol.

Now for the media:

In the Land of Women

This movie had Meg Ryan, Adam Brody and Kristen Stewart. I actually really liked Adam Brody and Kristen Stewart in it (usually I'm not a huge fan of Stewart, because I think she's one dimensional), but Meg Ryan just wasn't convincing.

The storyline goes like this... a young guy (Brody) gets dumped by his Hollywood girlfriend and decides to move to Michigan to help out his grandma who is pretty out of it (but hilarious), and to get his life in order. Enter the women who live in the house across the street... Ryan plays a mother who is going through a lot of personal drama, and whose own daughter (Stewart) can't stand her. They both have issues, but through friendship with Brody's character, all of them (including Brody) kind of deal with it.

It was a good movie. I would recommend seeing it, but I just didn't LOVE it. I would never buy it or anything. On a scale of 1-10, I would give it a 6.5.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

Ummm.... I thought this movie was going to be more about music. Danielle and I were both disappointed about that. Yes, the objecting was finding Fluffy, a band playing at a secret location in NYC, but other then that, the mention of a few mixed tapes, and the fact that Norah's dad owns a record studio... there was no music.

I do have a little nerdy crush on Michael Cera though. Not like a i-think-he's-so-hot-and-i-want-to-bang-him crush. More like a aw!-isn't-he-cute? crush. But seriously??? In the movie his ex girlfriend is this really really hot chick! He would never be able to hook up with that chick in real life.

On a scale of 1-10 I give it a 6.5 - I know... I'm boring and rated two movies the same way, but I really couldn't give it a seven.

Oh, and one last thing... the blonde girl who plays the drunk friend, definitely is a Christine (Bandy) look-a-like. I couldn't stop thinking about it the entire movie. (except Christine is prettier)

*****

This hasn't happened yet, but tomorrow night I'm seeing The MLMs again with Rachel at The Khyber on 2nd St. Rob may be coming, as well as mine and Rachel's friends Melissa and Vanessa. I really like seeing The MLMs (this will be the third time), but most of all I really like it because it gives me an excuse to see my friends that I don't see anymore. I never see Rachel or Vanessa (or Devon when she doesn't have track meets), unless we're seeing an MLMs show it seems. And I miss them, and Rachel's going back to NY soon :(

More about that show after I actually go to it I guess.

Just some stuff

2009-02-19T15:32:00.005-05:00

Tonight I'm finally getting to watch Lost, so maybe some Lost series theories tonight or tomorrow. I didn't post any last week, because honestly I didn't get that usual Lost feeling after watching the episode. Normally when it's over I'm like, "what the f--- just happened???" and there are 5000 new things brought up that I have theories about. Last week that just didn't happen, and I don't know how I feel about that. On one hand, it feels nice to kinda know what's going on once in a while, and on the other hand, I'm pissed that it was almost a little boring.

I have had a headache for two days. It kinda sucks.

Also, I would like to take this opportunity to make fun of 16 year old boys wearing white sparkly star belts:

ROFLMAO! Thank you for being ridiculous in your youth, Bill. ♥ ♥

an A-Ha! moment

2009-02-17T19:03:00.003-05:00

Danielle shared this with me, and it was so funny that I had to share it with everyone else.

They change the lyrics of the song so that it's literally what's happening in the video. It's pretty hilarious.

Media Week in Review

2009-02-10T15:56:00.003-05:00

Some stuff I've seen/heard/read lately and want to share/review.

Coraline - This was an amazing movie. I don't see many movies in theatres because I think it's a waste of money to spend $10-$12 of my hard earned dinaro's on something that I could get on my Netflix for $10/month (and I usually get 4-6 movies/month). But seriously, if you haven't seen this yet, which counts out approximately half of my blog readers (Danielle and Emily), then you must see this. In 3-D. If you don't see it in 3-D you're missing out. Not only was the story intriguiging and original, but the visuals were fantastic.

I'm Reed Fish - This is a movie that I bought after seeing it a few months ago on my Netflix. It's an independant flick, but it has Alexis Bledel (Gilmore Girls) and I love her. Anyway, the story is about a young guy whose parents are both dead, but he has his entire life laid out for him: he's inherited his father's radio news program and all of his parent's stuff, and he has an amazing fiance. He lives in a really small town and everyone knows everyone else's business. One day a girl who he used to have a crush on in high school, returns to the town on summer break from college... and I'm not going to say anything, because it would kinda ruin the movie. It's not really a chick flick, because the main character is a guy and it's all told from a guy's perspective, but it's interesting, and everyone should check it out. Plus, it's based on a true story.

Yesterday I started a book called S. by John Irving. I'll have to let you know how it is when I finish, but it's my train book, so it may be a while. So far it's really good though. It's written all in letters, and it's about a housewife in her fourties who leaves her husband because basically he's a prick. But I'm only about 25 pages in, so we'll see how it goes...

symphonysoldier.com This is the blog of Alex DeLeon a.k.a. "Singer". He's the lead singer from The Cab. If you want to see pretty much the ugliest animated picture of someone ever, you should check it out just to see his header. I love The Cab's music and I don't know much about it's members except their names and little bits that I've heard from other people, but this blog is pretty funny. I love how the blogs of the Fueled By Ramen crew drip with all of their self-important, arrogant bullshit all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love reading the stuff they post, but you can tell just by looking at some of the stuff they write, that they truly thing that they are the coolest, funniest, most clever guys around. Men are so silly. Oh, and if you want to see the UGLIEST band t-shirts ever made, check out the 2/6 post.

Folie a Deux - Fall Out Boy I finally got this CD. I was extremely resistant to getting it, because I really didn't like their last CD, Infinity On High. But it seemed that everywhere I went people were talking about how great it is. And it got excellent reviews in all of the media, so I figured that I would pick it up finally. Anyway, I popped it into my CD player and I had the whole love/hate thing going. In order for me to really love it, I have to pretend that it's not written by Fall Out Boy, because it is so drastically different then their other material. When I remove the band's name from the music, it's actually pretty great. I love dancing to it, and I think that tracks 2, 3, and 4 ("I Don't Care", "She's My Winona", and "America's Sweethearts") is probably one of the best track line-ups I've heard in a long time. When I relize it's FOB materical again, I want to rip my hair out.

A lot of people don't understand this I bet, because I think that most people only know what they've heard on the radio of Fall Out Boy. This probably includes, "This Aint A Scene" and other songs from Inifinity On High, and possibly "I Don't Care" and "America's Sweethearts" from the new CD. If you haven't listened to them from the beginning (not that I've been listening from the beginning, but at least from when their first two CDs came out), you won't hear the changes. I really really love old FOB. In fact, today I had my iPod on shuffle and some old FOB came on and it made me smile to hear the good old stuff that I used to rock out to. But the new stuff is good too. I have to learn how to be more open to change.

But you can hear the changes for yourself. Below I posted a few new FOB songs, and a few old ones.

I Don't Care (*NEW*)

America's Sweethearts (*NEW*) This is only a link, because embedding is disabled on ALL of the YouTube videos, but this is one of the best songs, and the video is really freaky.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tc-wM6g-Oio

Saturday (*OLD*) from their first CD Take This To Your Grave

A Little Less '16 Candles', A Little More 'Touch Me' (*OLD*) From their second CD, From Under the Cork Tree. This one is a little bit of a movie. A vampire movie to be exact. You have to go into it a little ways for the actual song. Fellow FBR labelmates, Brendon Urie (Panic at the Disco), Travis McCoy (Gym Class Heroes) and William Beckett (The Academy Is), and Mike Carden (The Academy Is) also star.

Samoas

2009-02-09T09:23:00.003-05:00

When I was little, and a Girl Scout, these impostor cookies "Carmel De-Lights" were called Samoas. I remember the first year they got Samoas, and I ordered them and they were delicious. The next year they got Tag-A-Longs, which was the name for the peanut butter filled cookies which are also delicious.

Why did they have to change the names of these delicious cookies, when obviously they were better and more creative before?

I remember that when I was a Girl Scout, selling cookies was the best time of the year. Well, receiving the cookie orders, not forcing people to buy them, was the best part of the year. Truthfully, I hated Girl Scouts. There were a few girls in my troop who were bullies, and our ignorant leaders never did anything about it. The only good leader was Mrs. Hershey and thats because I knew her practically all my life, but the other mothers were idiotic and spoiled their own children who were in the troop, and treated them above all others.

I was in this other organization called Pioneer Girls. It was through a local church that the Hershey's (aforementioned) attended. Pioneer Girls was the best organization I've ever belonged to, far superior to Girl Scouts. Even though it was technically a religious group, the Bible was barely mentioned. We used to play games and sing funny songs, and have cool things like the Father-Daughter Breakfast and Pal-Gal night (we were each teamed up with an older woman from the church who was our "Pal" for the year and she would take us to the movies and buy us presents and stuff. It was my favorite night of the year). We would read one Bible verse per night, and discuss what it meant, and then we would quickly move on to snack time.

Even though I'm not religious, I would consider being a Pioneer Girl Troop leader. I should look that up and see if we have any in this area (although you probably would have to belong to the church in question to be a leader). I would also send my future children to Pioneer Girls over Girl Scouts.

There was really no point to this blog. I just got my $3.50 box of about 12 "carmel de-lights" and I was contemplating the fact that I still refer to them as their true name: Samoas.

Lost Series Theories 5.4

2009-02-06T10:51:00.003-05:00

~~~SPOILER ALERT~~~

Jin is alive!!!

Seriously, you have no idea how happy this made me, since I bawled my eyes out when he died.

Okay, now I think that the Oceanic 6 are going to have a harder time getting back to the island then they think. Because now the island is hidden again and totally off the map, so how are they going to find it? And even when they do find it, are they going to be in the same time that the people on the island are in? It's been three years on the main land and about 2-3 days in island time. I think that the time is really actually screwed up that much, because if it were really 3 years on the island, they would all be long dead of nose bleeds.

I really enjoy this whole jumping back and forth in island time thing. Seeing Claire and Kate back in the old days of season one while Claire was birthing Aaron, was really cool. And now with Jin being found by Danielle Rousseou's (sp?) crew when they first landed on the island: it's pretty awesome. Jin and his friends can't be too far away from each other though because the wreckage from Danielle's boat wouldn't have washed up too far away, so it's not like they're on the other side of the island. Hopefully they find each other soon.

Props to Danielle for believing that the client of the lawyer was Ben. I thought it was Charles Widmore, because he's all up in everybody's business.

What do you think the chances are of Sun shooting Ben? I wonder if she'll do it in front of Aaron, and I wonder if she'll shoot Jack since he's in cahoots with Ben.

I wonder what ever happened to Claire. I know that she disappeared and she's probably dead, but they never really explained that fully. With the way this show is, she could just be stumbling around on the island looking for everyone else. And I wonder if she is, when the Oceanic 6 get back to the island, will Kate be willing to give up Aaron to his real mother?

And I've been thinking about this for weeks: you know how in the first 4 seasons or so of Lost, when the survivors would hear whispering in the forest? We all assumed it was the Others, but now I'm starting to think that maybe it's the people who are shifting back and forth in time, because they'll always have to remain unseen (because what would you do if you saw yourself just randomly standing in front of you without an explanation? You would probably think that you're an impostor or something, right? And then you might try to hurt impostor you.) It's just theory though. Maybe it was the Others all along.

What did you think about this episode?

FTABH Record

2009-02-05T15:53:00.004-05:00

I just received my shipment (as in more then one copy) of Fast Times At Barrington High on vinyl. It looks awesome and the blue marble vinyl is extra hot. I haven't listened to Tokyo Bay yet because my record player is broken, but I'll listen to it soon. Don't you worry. For Christmas we got my uncle a record player that makes your records into mp3s, so I'll make it into an mp3 at some point in the near future.

The only complaint I have is that Fueled By Ramen obviously has very little experience with putting records together. The paper sleeve is a weird paper that sticks to the record and makes it very hard to get the record in and out without touching it on the tracks. They should've used a parchment paper instead of a shiny paper.

It's good stuff though.

And I did really great on my test. I'm sure that I got at least a B+.

Broken Glass

2009-02-05T10:46:00.003-05:00

I have a piece of glass stuck in my finger. It's been in there for a few weeks, just a little little piece in my pointer finger on my right hand. It's a little red dot, and it doesn't hurt unless I touch it. I did some research on if this will kill me or not, and I found out that it will not, but I still want to get it out anyway, because it's kinda uncomfortable.

So I looked up methods on how to remove it. There were three, and I tried one of them. The first one (the one I tried) was to soak my finger in warm water for a few minutes, then use my fingers to squeeze my other finger until the piece of glass emerged a little, and then pull it out with a tweezer. In my cold house, the warm water felt good on my finger (lol), but it didn't remove the glass. I just made this little, needle thin hole in my skin. Weird.

The second method is to slice my skin open with a knife where I believe the glass is, and pull it out that way. What the hell kind of crazy person would do that? I don't think I have the balls to cut my own finger open.

The third method is to go the the doctor and have him remove it. Maybe one of these days I'll actually get around to going to my General Practitioner for a check up, but I'm not going to make a special trip just for this one little piece of glass. I'm pretty sure that my insurance doesn't cover glass shards in my finger.

I have a test today and I have to take the train an hour earlier then usual because apparently they're running late once they get toward the city. Bull shit. I'm so tired of SEPTA screwing us all over. My regular train gets me there in perfect time, but now I'm going to be there an hour early, just sitting there. It's kinda crappy.

And you know something else that is annoying? Temple University never ever cancels class for snow, which is okay in situations like yesterday when the snow wasn't really a huge deal, but then they don't even shovel or plow. Broad street is plowed because it's Broad Street, but they leave a huge snow pile in the middle of the road, so that when you're crossing, you have to climb over it. And yesterday I almost died. I was going to Anderson Hall to warm up, because I missed the train and had to wait 40 minutes or so, and as I was walking up the unshoveled ramp into the building, a girl skidded down on an icy patch and almost knocked me over. How did they just not shovel the ramp of the busiest building on campus? It's ridiculous.

Wish me luck on my test today. I'll have plenty of time on the train and when I get to school to cram for it.

Study Break

2009-02-04T19:57:00.003-05:00

Sometimes Danielle and I will both be on our laptops in different rooms of our house (and sometimes in the same room), and we'll talk on gmail messenger. it's hilarious. we have some of our best conversations on there. Usually we're talking about really dumb stuff, like funny things our mom says, or things that our neighbors are doing in their kitchen that we can see through the window, but we always end up hysterically laughing. And then my mom is like, "what is so funny?" and I'll answer, "I'm laughing at my information for my test tomorrow," and Danielle will say, "This paper I'm writing is hilarious." Neither of those makes sense, but our mom doesn't pay any attention to what we say anyway, so it doesn't really matter.

We even have a nickname for if we're talking about our mom, like telling a funny story about her, and she's in the room. We call her Red Pen. It makes no sense and we should probably call her a normal name like Shirley or something, but Red Pen has old origins, so we just stick with that.

LOST tonight. Update and theories tomorrow afternoon or night, because I have a test tomorrow so I won't be able to watch it in the morning or afternoon.

She's At It Again

2009-02-03T15:49:00.003-05:00

That idiot it at it again. Read the following article about Sarah Palin and her ongoing attempts to singlehandedly destroy the planet. She is a horrible horrible person.

Sarah Palin's "Drill Baby Drill" Vs. Beluga Whales - Help Ensure Whales Win!

Target: Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska
Sponsored by: Care2

According to a January 14 Associated Press news wire, the state of Alaska announced its plans to challenge the federal decision to protect Cook Inlet beluga whales under the Endangered Species Act in court. NOAA's Fisheries Service declared the whales, with a population of roughly 300, an endangered species on October 17, 2008.

News releases go on to say that Governor Sarah Palin opposes the listing of the Cook Inlet belugas because of "the impact it could have on major Alaska development projects, including oil and gas development and expanding the Anchorage port." The city of Anchorage is situated on Cook Inlet.

Governor Palin needs to know that the American people put the planet's endangered species before state-specific projects and shipping port expansions!

CLICK HERE TO SIGN THE PETITION

Wing Bowl 17

2009-02-02T21:56:00.006-05:00

Finally I'm getting around to talking about the Wing Bowl on Friday.

I stayed over Carole's house on Thursday night and we had gone out to poker the night before, so when 3AM rolled around and it was time for us to get up, we were both pretty much useless. We went to Wawa to pick up breakfast sandwiches only to find out that they don't have breakfast sandwiches at 3AM. Fortunately the kind man behind the deli counter made them for us anyway. We got to Rob's house around 4, and pre-gamed there for a little while until 5ish when Jen (Rob's girlfriend who wasn't actually going to the wing bowl) drove us down to Wachovia Stadium.

If you don't know what exactly the Wing Bowl is, I'm going to take a moment to explain it:

The Wing Bowl began 17 years ago, when some person who was probably white trash decided that it would be a good idea to start a hot wing eating contest. They used to let both amateur and professional eaters alike join the contest, but this year they made it open to only amateur eaters. To enter the contest, a person would either have to win a small hot wing eating contest at a local bar, or they would have to call in to the radio station and have some crazy food thing, such as eating 4 hoagies in 10 minutes, approved by the radio staff. The winner gets a car and maybe some other stuff. I don't really know. But anyway, the Bowl starts at 6AM, but before the actual contest begins, they have a parade of sorts, where each participant has their own little entourage. Each of the contestants is supported by a local strip club, so there are a lot of strippers there. A lot. Beer goes on sale at 7AM, although most people are already crocked by that time. The audience is about 80% male, and the females in the crowd are cheered for flashing the crowd (if they choose to do so. i didn't), and usually the camera men will put them up on the big screen. When the contest starts it's two 14 minute rounds with a break in between to count the wings, and then a 2 minute round for the finalists.

This year, 4 people puked. It was quite gross. The whole thing was pretty gross but amazingly fun. I will definitely go again next year if I can. It was crazy. And the lawyers from Boston who were two rows behind us had this rubber chicken that made this noise that sounded like it was dying. Carole was very very amused and they gave it to her. Needless to say, she played with it the entire way home and bothered everyone who looked like they were on their way to work (it was 9AM). It was so much fun though.

Only in Philadelphia would this disgusting gluttony be displayed. Well, maybe they would have it at another city, but I'm pretty sure that the entire stadium wouldn't sell out in 10 minutes like it did for this (did I tell you that we had front row seats too?), and I'm pretty sure that people wouldn't come out at 5AM to see people vomit chicken wings.

.....In other news.....

Emily, Danielle and I just watched Gossip Girl. It was frickin amazing. We screamed twice. I can't believe that Dan is sleeping with that bitchy teacher lady. I hate her. And I hate that Dan was jumping in the sack with her right after Serena broke up with him. What a douche bag. I hope she gets knocked up and i hope the school finds out about it and sends her to jail where she belongs.

I think we were all actually rooting for Blair and her conniving ways the entire time. It was so ridiculous that a teacher would be meeting up with her students outside of the classroom like that anyway, even without a relationship. And that bitch lied to Serena and said that she had a meeting to get to, when really she was just going to see Dan at that diner place. She deserves everything that's coming to her.

Lost Series Theories - 5.3

2009-01-29T10:51:00.003-05:00

---SPOILER ALERT---

If you haven't seen last night's episode yet, then you shouldn't continue any further.

Okay, so this was a crazy episode. I was right about so many things. My mom and I argue about two things all the time. The first is that she believed that Richard was traveling through time, back and forth all the time and that's why he was so young looking all the time. I believed that he was always the same age because of some weird island phenomena and that he'd been around forever. That's 1 point for me.

The second thing that we always debate is Charles Widmore. She said that Charles became interested in the island when he won that diary of the member of the crew of the ship that wrecked on the island, at that auction that we see in Desmond's past. I said that the reason why he bid on the diary in the first place was because he was already interested in the island. That's 2 points for me, because Charles Widmore was an 'Other' in the 1950's with Richard.

Conclusion:
Richard is Edward Cullen and Charles Widmore is the Volturi. Haha, lame Twilight comparisons.

Radiohead

2009-01-29T09:03:00.003-05:00

This is ridiculous, and I can't even believe I'm posting it. Talk about nerd alert. Nice suspenders, bb. You know, Gil could solve a rubiks cube too. Maybe I'm just really attracted to nerdy men. I guess it could be worse though...

Everything In Its Right Place (i hope this works) from William Beckett Jr. on Vimeo.

The MLMs Show

2009-01-28T11:31:00.006-05:00

Last night I headed into the city to meet up with my friends from school. The plan was to head out to Dr. Watson's Pub on 11th street to see The MLMs show. I met up with Rachel a little early and we caught up. She told me all about her internship and her trip to Israel, and I told her everything that's going on in my life. A little later, Devon came over and we had fun taking a whole bunch of random pictures.

Then we finally headed out to the pub. When we got there, after circling the block 15 times trying to find good parking, we decided to leave our coats in the car and be those girls. You know those girls. The ones we always make fun of for walking around in winter with no coats on. But we really didn't want to carry them around with us all night. Unfortunately when we had just about reached the bar, Devon realized she had locked her keys in the car, which is not fun when you're not wearing a coat. We went inside and she called her brother and asked him to drive into the city and bring her spare key, which he did and that was really nice. When Devon got off the phone with her brother, Vanessa called us and said she was just leaving work and was on her way on her bike, so we waited for her before we went upstairs.

The MLMs were great. I always think it's admirable when a band is just as good live as on their CD.

After the show, we hung around for a while longer at the bar, and then we headed out into the snow without our coats. We decided to get pizza at this place on 3rd and South, and Vanessa rode her bike there while we drove and she beat us because Devon kept driving around in circles, and none of the roads were going the ways that we wanted them to go. After pizza, we parted and I stayed over Rachel's house.

Of course, the snow got worse over the night and eventually turned into this snow/freezing rain gross mix. When I woke up today I had to make it to Market East Station on 12th and Market from Rachel's place on 4th and South. Rachel was going the same direction to get to her internship, but let me just say, it was not pleasant. The dirty disgusting city snow was sloshing around in my shoes about 1 1/2 blocks into the journey. Not fun.

Pictures are up on facebook and will soon be on myspace.

The Other Boleyn Girl

2009-01-26T18:07:00.004-05:00

I just finished watching The Other Boleyn Girl. I decided to watch it today because I just finished the book, which took me FOREVER. The book was amazing... the movie not so much. In fact, I pretty much hated it. They leave out about 80% of the actual story, and then they twist around the parts that they left in. For instance, Anne Boleyn lived in the French court for most of her youth, and eventually moved to the English court later to join her sister Mary as one of the Queen's ladies. In the movie, everyone lived in England at Rochford (even though their house was at Hever really), and then the King visited them for 2 days, which never happened, and invited Mary and her husband William Cary back to court because he wanted her for his mistress. And then later in the movie, Anne is banished to France. Never happened.

William Cary is another thing. They have Mary marry Sir. William Cary in the beginning of the movie, then at the end it says that she married William Stafford, which happened, but they left out the whole part about William Cary dying of the Sweating Sicknes so it looks like Mary just went off and married someone else.

AND Mary had two children by the king: Catherine and Henry, and then another child later by William Stafford. In the movie, she had one child. Ridiculous.

AND Anne Boleyn never ever asked her brother George to sleep with her. And if she did there was no actual evidence of it. Anne was convicted of Witchcraft and Adultery, but in all reality, the charges were all based off of hearsay, and were not only centered around George. Sir Francis Weston (George's lover), William Brereton, and a few other men in George's circle were also killed.

Plus, in the movie they make Anne, Mary, and George's mother some kind of compassionate feminist. There mother didn't care about them at all!!! She always pretended she wasn't related to them when there was a scandal, like a miscarriage, or George and Anne being thrown in the tower.

Arg. Next subject...

Tomorrow is The MLMs show at Dr. Watson's Pub on 11th street. May be hitting it up with Rachel and Devon. Fun times.

And of course I had to add this next little gem. My favorite movie and one of my favorite songs of all time merged together:

Almost Famous vs. TAI
by taivid

Big Words, Recycled Phrases

2009-01-24T17:48:00.005-05:00

Two posts, one right after the other. I had to post two, because they're so different.

Today while I was coming in to work, I was listening to some tunes, and I was just struck with the amazingenss of some of them. This is a little random, so bear with me.

Do you ever hear a lyric or a string of lyrics and you're like, "omg, my life exactly!"? Well, I have to say that when it comes to my love life, the lyric that 100% completely defines it is:

I can be your boyfriend, and you can pretend not to know me

From the song Ship Out At Sea by Phantom Planet. It's the last lyric of the song and every time I hear it I can help but think about how all of my relationships have been like this. Damn embarrassing boys.

Then I decided that I wanted to listen to The Academy Is... because believe it or not, I haven't listened to their music in a few weeks ( :-O --I know). So I had a nice shuffle mix going, and I started off with After the Last Midtown Show from Fast Times at Barrington High, because it tugs at my heartstrings and I'm always so filled with love after listening to it. Then, Checkmarks came on and I found myself completely overjoyed to hear it. You know, as much as I love Fast Times, the one thing it's really missing is that angry hard rock song that you can just rock out and dance like crazy to. That's why Checkmarks will always be my favorite TAI song. I think everyone thinks I'm a little crazy for thinking that, but it's so good for everything. When I'm pissed off I listen to it and make sure to sing along to the lyrics, "take your cold, cold heart and drown, and don't forget to take deep breaths." I think it's the mix of the anger and the sexual feelings in it that really attract me to the song. For those who don't know, here are the lyrics to the song so that you know what the hell I'm talking about:

So there you are, and here I stand

As far as I remember, you weren't half bad

Your bedroom behavior was never more then checkmarks on bedposts

For I remember we never had

You get me out of the rain, you get me out of my clothes

Hope I don't make a sound, you hope that nobody knows

Get me out of the rain, get me out of my clothes

Hope I don't make a sound, you hope that no one...

So suck your so-called pity down

Hey, that's not so bad, is it?

So take your cold, cold heart and drown

And don't forget to take deep breaths

So suck your so called pity down

Hey, that's not so bad, is it?

So take your cold, cold heart and drown

And don't forget to take deep breaths

So don't explain

'Cause I know exactly what you're going to say

Big words, recycled phrases

And the bittersweet taste of other boys on your lips

So now just sit here and talk about how you wanted it all

Now just sit here and talk about how you wanted it all

Get me out of the rain, you get me out of my clothes

Hope I don't make a sound, you hope that nobody knows

So suck your so-called pity down

Hey, that's not so bad, is it?

So take your cold, cold heart and drown

And don't forget to take deep breaths

So suck your so-called pity down

Hey, that's not so bad, is it?

So take your cold, cold heart and drown

And don't forget to take deep breaths

Do you miss looking up from the floor

at my face on a stage in a crowded room?

Well it's not the same

I bet you're still a sucker for those famous faces

Downtown, looking down, down, looking over the crowd

I hope you're out there looking at me now

Well it's not the same

Just look at how we've changed

So suck your so-called pity down

Hey, that's not so bad, is it?

So take your cold, cold heart and drown

And don't forget to take deep breaths

So suck your so-called pity down

Hey, that's not so bad, is it?

So take your cold, cold heart and drown

And don't forget to take deep breaths

The funny thing is though, that I've seen them live so many times that I now have the live version of the song forever stuck in my head, which is slightly different from the album version. When I sing it, I have a tendancy to add things they say in concert. For instance, after Your bedroom behavior was never more then checkmarks on bedposts / For I remember we never had, Will always says "Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-show me!" and the nerd that I am, always adds that in there and people look at me funny.

I don't know... that song just gets me going I guess. I love it so much that I could probably write another 20 or so paragraphs about it, but I'll spare you all.

And you know what? Now I remember that Fast Times does have it's crazy rock song in the form of Crowded Room, but somehow it's not quite at hard rock as Checkmarks, or anything on Santi.

2009-01-24T17:19:00.003-05:00

Here are some things that I don't understand about people:

1. If the automatic door is not opening, but I'm saying, "here, let me open that for you" and pressing the code, why would they feel the need to press the handles that say "Press only in case of EMERGENCY" on them. Obviously it is not an emergency if you can't get out of the building for the next 15 seconds.

2. People who walk right out the doors that say "DO NOT EXIT. ALARM WILL SOUND" because they are too lazy to walk to the front door. They aren't kidding. The alarm will sound, and it will be loud and obnoxious and everyone in the building will hate you.

3. People who let their kids run around a nursing home. There are old, frail people who are walking unsteadily around the lobby. No, I don't need one of them to fall over your child and break their hip and then their family will file a lawsuit or something. And then people get pissed when you kindly ask them to control their children.

4. People who comment "Wow, it smells really good like food right here" and then when I say "Oh yeah, that's my dinner. I'm having Quiche Lorraine" and they say: "Ew. I hate Quiche." SERIOUSLY??? You don't really have to verbalize every idiotic thought. You're the one who said it smelled good. I wasn't offering you any, so I honestly don't care if you like it or not.

I just had to get that off of my chest.

Lost series theories

2009-01-22T09:24:00.004-05:00

I did end up getting to watch Lost last night. We just went to my grandma's house and watched it on her TV since she wasn't there. They said in the recap that season 5 was going to be all about answering questions and stuff, but honestly, I think I'm even more confused then I was going into the show. I have all these random theories and they all have massive loopholes, but don't all Lost scenarios have a ton of loopholes anyway?

For instance... Locke has to get off the island to get the others to come back by dying (????) and I'm thinking, honestly, how is Locke dying going to get the Oceanic 6 to come back? Then I'm thinking about Locke's past and how Richard kept popping up in it as the same age that he is now. So then I thought that Locke must go back in time to birth, knowing in his subconscious that he has to complete this mission of dying. So then there would be two Lockes. One that would go to the island and of course get stuck there forever, and the other one that doesn't go to the island and would complete his mission by dying in LA or wherever he was when he died. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else, and it certainly doesn't even make sense to me, but it's a theory that I have regardless.

And how about that whole thing with Desmond having to go to Oxford to find Daniel's mother? Since Daniel never got to finish the sentence, how will Des know what to do once he gets to Oxford, and how does him finding Daniel's mother factor into anything, unless Daniel's mother is also some kind of physicist that knows what's up on the island.

Does anyone else have any theories?

2009-01-21T17:02:00.003-05:00

You know what I was thinking today when I was at school? I was thinking about how this semester is labeled the Spring semester. That makes absolutely no sense, as it's absolutely fricken freezing outside and it's the dead middle of winter. I think that they should relabel the semesters. Fall could stay fall, but Spring semester should be switched to Winter semester and Summer I can be called Spring semester, since it starts in May, and Summer II can be the Summer semester. It would be so much more accurate.

Tonight is LOST!! Unfortunately, I'm probably not going to be able to see it until tomorrow when it's posted online, because we don't get ABC at our house. :(

To tide me over (and anyone else in my position):

2009-01-21T08:53:00.003-05:00

Haha, I love waking up in the morning and checking out William's blog and seeing that he wrote practically the exact same thing that I wrote in mine yesterday.

I have TR Professional Seminar II today. I checked the roster and only one of my friends is in my class. Its rare that I miss classes from a previous semester, but this time, I really do miss my Developmental Disabilities class, not for the content, but for the friends that I had. I ended up making great friends in that class (and I got closer to people who were already friends), and now Rachel, Vanessa and Devon are all doing their senior internships. I miss goofing off in class, and having someone to waste time with after class instead of going straight home. It makes me sad to think that I will never have class with those girls again.

At least we'll still have nights out in the city, if I ever have a weekend off again!!!

Inauguration 2009

2009-01-20T16:20:00.003-05:00

Today the United States got a new president. Congratulations America! This is our chance to show the world that we can change, and that we can become something better. I am so proud to call Barack Obama my president, because he is truly an inspiration. I am so excited that beginning today, I will no longer have to be ashamed of the fact that I am an American, as I often had to do with this last administration. I am so proud of this country for finally rising up and working together to prove that we have hope, and a great vision for the future, and that we want and need change in this country.

2009-01-19T15:33:00.004-05:00

School starts up again tomorrow. :( I've spent my last day of freedom being a total lazy bum. All afternoon I've been sitting on my couch, all wrapped up in afghans watching The Office, season 5 on my computer. I know I'm late on everything, but JIM AND PAM GOT ENGAGED!!! WOOO!! Yay. They're my favorite couple ever.

It's snowing outside again today. It snowed last night, and then it start up again today in the late morning, and it's been keeping a steady pace all day. I would really like snow except for the fact that it's cold. I know that sounds stupid, but I think that snow looks really pretty, and it's better then rain, but I hate the cold so so much. If only it could snow and be 80 degrees at the same time. That would be ideal.

Tonight is Gossip Girl. I don't know what exactly we're doing yet, whether Emily is coming over here or we're going over to her house, I'm not sure. We always watch it together though, and then because we have opposing schedules, we don't see each other for the rest of the week. Fortunately, this weekend, I switched shifts with the evening girl, so instead of working from 8-4 on Saturday, I'm working from 12PM-8PM, meaning that I'll get to sleep in that morning, and Friday I'll be able to hang out.

I'm going to go put on 3 or 4 more sweatshirts now...

2009-01-18T10:32:00.003-05:00

As promised on my Twitter post from last night, today I'm discussing my issues with True Blood. I admit, I have some ridiculous reasons for not really liking the show much, and some of my reasons actually come from a misunderstanding a few months back. You see, I am a Twilight fan, so upon realizing that a show was coming out that depicted a regular human girl falling in love with a vampire who doesn't drink human blood (not to mention that she reads minds), I was outraged. I thought, 'oh my god, this is exactly like Twilight, except instead of him reading minds, in True Blood, they have the girl as a mind reader'. I didn't realize until Thanksgiving that True Blood was based on books that were written before Twilight, so if anyone is to be blamed for stealing anyone's ideas, it's actually Stephenie Meyer. However, I'm stubborn and still refused to watch the show, until the other night when I was watching the new season of Supernatural on SideReel, and I decided that I wanted to check out the show, just to see what all of the fuss was about. I checked out the first episode and it left much to be desired. Along with the horrible horrible accents (I am not a fan of the drawl of the deep South, not to offend anyone, but it just isn't appealing to me at all) and Anna Paquin's hideous blonde hair, I couldn't stand any of the characters. Sookie was almost tolerable (but I have no patience for idiocy, or people who pretend to be idiots as she does in the first episode) and the manager of the bar was okay, but Sookie's friend was obnoxious, as was her brother and most of her co-workers. Even the vampire guy, who I would normally find sexy, was not an interesting character to me at all. At the end of the episode I was waiting for the epiphany that drawls so many of my friends and family members to the show, but instead, I was left not caring at all, with no desire to watch another episode. Maybe, out of all fairness I should give it another chance, afterall, it's a genre that I normally enjoy. And admittedly I haven't watched much of it, but from what I've seen, Paquin's performance did not warrent a Golden Globe over all of those other talented actresses. This is nothing against Anna Paquin, I generally like her (I'm an x-men fan and a Fly Away Home fan), but to me, this role doesn't seem Golden Globe worthy.

Switching topics, I want to say how deeply disappointed I am that I'm going to be in class during the Inauguration on Tuesday. Why, oh why did we have to go back to school on this historic day? Now, when people ask, where were you during the 2009 Inauguration, the most historic Inauguration in history probably, I'll get to answer with, "I was in lecture."... how fun.

Where will you be during the Inauguration?

2009-01-17T08:23:00.001-05:00

I think I'm going to go blog-happy from now on and post all the time because I have false delusions that anyone else even gives a crap.

Work should be fun today because not only do I have internet this weekend (YAY!!!!!), but Jody is the Administrator on Duty, and Jody is one of my best work friends, so we're going to have a grand time. You see, in a nursing home the weekends are much different then during the week. During the week, upper management is here (CEO, COO, and CFO) and department heads are here, that's like Director of Dietary, Director of Nursing, Director of Physical Therapy, Building Services Manager, Director of Therapeutic Recreation, etc. During the weekend there is the Nursing Supervisor, the Administrator on Duty (which rotates every weekend through the different department heads), and me: the receptionist. I don't think anyone ever meant for me to be partially in charge of the building, but they don't realize that for the following reasons, I often have more responsibility then the AOD, because I am the first and last person people see upon entering/exiting the facility, and many of the people know me well, so they feel comfortable coming to me with their complaints, criticisms, and problems. Which of course means that I have the responsibility of solving their problems or relaying their complaints.

But ANYWAY, Jody is AOD which means that it's more relaxed, and it makes work seem more akin to hanging out with a friend, and my other friend Christine is covering Therapeutic Recreation, and is supplying me with her people magazine to read in my spare time.

Tonight I'm house sitting for my grandma, which is such a sweet deal because she tells me to turn the heat up as much as I want, as opposed to my house, where the heat is strictly set to 65 degrees. She also tells me to eat anything in her freezer or fridge which is awesome because she has some great food to choose from. AND she has cable, which may not seem like a big deal, but I don't have cable, so it's a big deal for me. I love house sitting for her. The funny thing is that she always tried to pay me for it too, and not like a little stipend, but obscene amounts, like $100 for one or two nights. She leaves the money hidden somewhere in her house and tells me it's "emergency money", and then yells at me if I don't take it. I never take it, or I'll take like $10 of it because it makes her happy, but really I feel like theres already so many perks to staying there. In fact, having the house to myself is reason enough. At home, I share a room with my sister, but at my grandma's house, I have my own room with my own dresser and desk, and some extra clothes and toiletries. It's like going on vacation, which probably sounds lame, but I don't really care.

2009-01-16T18:30:00.002-05:00

And so starts my first actual blog that doesn't pose as another type of website. Unless you count livejournal. Does that count?

I'm going to pick up where I left off on my myspace blog.... I don't exactly know where that was. I haven't written in it in quite some time. I wrote a post in the first few days of 2009 that was Aurora's best of 2008, and it covered music but nothing else. I haven't finished every section of it yet, and maybe one day I will and I'll actually post it, but until then I'll just post my top 8 albums of 2008, which is all people really care about anyway, right?

1. Fast Times at Barrington High - The Academy Is...

2. The Glass Passenger - Jack's Mannequin

3. Raise the Dead - Phantom Planet

4. Pretty. Odd. - Panic at the Disco (although sometimes depending on my mood, this becomes number 3)

5. Sweat It Out - The Pink Spiders

Honorable mention goes to Ivy League for This Is Ivy League and The Hush Sound for Goodbye Blues.

I give serious props to Greta of The Hush Sound for taking vocal lessons or whatever it was that she did to change her voice from the sweet little girl voice, to the amazing, womanly voice that we hear in songs such as Honey and Medicine Man: